レベンジマッチ:山崎vs.Moriman Part 3

(Revenge match: Yamazaki vs. Moriman part 3)

　　　　After getting his ass handed to him on a platter in the previous two matches, Downtown revises the format of the match to include more than the pants removing match, in hopes that it would give Yamazaki the chance to get his revenge. Also, the newcomers to the show, Cocorico, serve as Yamazaki’s trainers. Feel free to squeal at the sight of a tracksuited Tanaka. Endo gets the responsibility to break the tension before the fight, and does so with great ease. He’ll get this responsibility for all of the Yamazaki vs. Moriman events after this, and it’s easy to see why. However, after this he’ll be doing this bit in briefs.

　　　　The first match is the “face stocking removal” match, in which both contestants try to remove the pantyhose placed over their opponent’s head. In doing so, their face will warp which means big laughs for the viewers. Unknown to the organizers of this event, Moriman wasn’t in it for the laughs, and winds up wrestling Yamazaki to the ground, climbing on his back and choking him. Yamazaki taps and loses the match.

　　　　After regaining his composure, Yamazaki is faced with the “slipper fight” match. The premise is simple: each person gets two slippers and attempts to beat the living hell out of their opponent. Moriman jumps out of her corner and begins the ass-beating. Yamazaki puts up a fight, but finds himself backed into a corner. He tries to circle to the center of the ring, but turns his back to Moriman and finds himself on the receiving end of a direct slipper hit to the face. Another victory for Moriman.

Behold the face of a man who has been beaten down with a slipper.

　　　　Yamazaki gets to choose the third match, and chooses the “Low kick” match. I don’t think he really thought through the idea that Moriman was going to be able to kick him.
　　　　The fourth match is the “super hot ankake” match, in which each person gets a pan full of hot ankake sauce to fling at their opponent. The first one to give up or is unable to continue loses. Okay, while it’s still funny, the “OH MAN IT’S HOT” myth was debunked a while ago. Japanese comedians seem to love doing thing with “hot” things because they get to do reaction bits. The most common hot thing is hot water. For example in some quiz shows, if you get an answer wrong, you get dropped into “hot” water, and the comedian runs around, says that it’s hot, and flops around, etc. In actuality, it’s a little warmer than room temperature, and poses no health risks at all.
　　　　Fifth match is the “wet towel” match, where several wet towels are placed in the ring. Rule is much like all the other ones. Use the towel, beat the snot out of your opponent, you win.

　　　　Much like times before Yamazaki gets pummeled while showing little to no resistance. I think I’ll give this episode a rating of 5 stars. Although the new battle themes were nice, all of the matches were fairly short. The commentary between and after rounds is what made the episode worth watching.

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山崎邦正ケツリベンジ: KETSU-1グランプリ!! (Yamazaki vs Moriman Part 2)

(Yamazaki Housei Ass revenge: Ass-1 Grand Prix)

Original Airdate: 12/29/1996

As the title suggests, today is Yamazaki’s chance to get revenge on Moriman because he got steamrolled by Moriman. First he starts by making excuses, about his ribs, and that there’s something keeping him from performing at his very best. Matsumoto just wants to clear the air, and make sure that he’s not wimping out. When he asks if Yamazaki wants to quit, Yamazaki answers “…if I can…” for which Matsumoto, like I would, smacks him across the face.


Unlike the previous time, Yamazaki opts out of the sparring matches against groups, and shows off his sparring partner. His sparring partner, Heipo, works on the show, and is generally known for three points: He’s easily scared, he’s got no luck with the ladies, and he’s generally a pervert. Yamazaki squares off against this pervert. Then after the first match, Hamada reminds Yamazaki that Moriman usually manages to get him in a defensive position and that he has to be able to guard, so the second sparring match starts with Heipo on top of the grounded Yamazaki. Pimp slaps ensue. Matsumoto suggests that they should change the line-up to Moriman vs. Heipo.

The show then breaks for a Downtown comedy talk, in which they talk about things ranging from Yamazaki’s work as a singer to the sound of rain in the building to the Tamagocchi (you know, those little virtual pets that all us kids, including myself, had in fourth grade) craze. I was thinking of subtitling some of these talks because they’re a big part of the show, and sometimes they’re things you can’t laugh at by visual cues alone unlike most of the other openers. So, uh… if anyone knows any programs, or generally what you’d use to subtitle videos, dropping me a line in the Comments section would be appreciated.

After the comedy talk, we’re ready for the revenge match. It starts with challenger Yamazaki’s entrance to “Eye of the Tiger”, then champion Moriman’s entrance to “We Will Rock You” and rocks Yamazaki with slaps to the face before the match even starts. Yamazaki’s forced to wimp out yelling “Owowowow!” Once the dust settles, both fighters are presented with flower bouquets from foreign women (showing Gaki’s, or perhaps all of Japan’s, concept that “it’s funny because they’re foreign” which we’ll see many times throughout Gaki’s history) and then they are ready to battle. Note: as you watch this video, please be prepared for Matsumoto’s infectious hyena-laugh at about 15 seconds.

Hamada pretty much summed it all up with the “何ソレ?” (nani sore?) meaning “What was that?” The story of Yamazaki’s life, eh? I’ve cataloged this episode as a 4-star episode, but I’d like to bump it up to a five. It’s building up to a legend. I probably marked a 4 because I think this was the first of the “Yamazaki vs. Moriman” episodes I’d ever seen and didn’t know that it was going to a part of something so huge. It lacks the polish and general hilarity over that most of the other episodes have, being so short, but it’s still able to hold its own.

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山崎ケツ公開スパーリング （Yamazaki Vs Moriman Part 1)

Original Airdate: 11/03/1996
Yamazaki Housei ketsu koukai sparring. Yamazaki vs. Moriman 1

This episode is a classic that will start what will go down in history, at least in my book, as a legendary series on Gaki no Tsukai. Yamazaki, who recently joined as a regular on the show still has to prove himself to Downtown, and therefore has decided to show that the entertainment world is all about kicking ass and getting your ass kicked. On a side note, he does all this while wearing this schoolboy uniform.

Downtown didn't ask why he wore this, so neither will I.

Yamazaki has decided to warm up, and then have a match with the Champion. Myself, nor Matsumoto or Hamada know how a champion exists, but apparently there is one. The rules of the battle are simple: Pull off the opponent’s pants, leaving them to lie there bare-assed in shame. The first two matches are sparring matches in which Yamazaki faces a group of five opponents at once, and cannot remove his opponent’s pants. The point is to see just how long he can hold out against them. I think the main reason is to see Yamazaki get straight owned by 5 people at once.

The first match is against a squad of American Football players. The squad doesn't see to be professional, but hey, they're just there to tear the pants off of Yamazaki. It doesn't take a professional anything to do that.

A pitiful nine and a half seconds. I can't play a song on my violin sad enough to describe how sad that was, but then again, I've only been learning for about 3 months so I can't play much of anything.

Sparring match two is against the fearsome "おばさん軍団” or "Granny Squad". These here ain't your "give you fresh baked cookies" variety of grannies. These are the pants-pulling, ass-slappin' grannies that your friend told you stories about, but you never believed.



After strutting down to the ring, the grannies sized up the opposition. Yamazaki seemed to want to size up the granny in the gray blouse...

... but, uh... Yamazaki... that big grape looking thing behind you looks like she can crush you with her left boob alone... (which I secretly wish she did)


As is somewhat obvious if you know how weak Yamazaki is, he gets dragged to the ground and stripped. Left to lie in shame, with this ass flapping in the breeze.

After the warm-ups, it's time to take on the Champion, which no one knows who appointed as the Champion. The champion is Moriman. I guess technically that's wrong. Moriman is a duo made up of 種馬マン(Taneuma-man) and モリ末(Moriou), but Moriou is the one doing all the fighting. Taneumaman serves as the corner girl. Aaaaaanyway, the champion makes their way into the ring, and starts by sending a message of the hard slap to Yamazaki's face. This is where to the battle begins. Yamazaki can now try to take off his opponent's pants. It's on, show them what you can do, Yamazaki.

Not much, apparently, lol. Okay, well you have to give the man some credit. After taking that beating, he gets back up and is ready immediately for his rematch. You lost the battle, not the war. Get 'er done, Zaki.

Okay, so now you've lost the war. It's okay, Yamazaki. Unfortunately for you (yet fortunately for the rest of us), you'll be fighting Moriman again later.

I'm giving this episode 6 stars. As I said in my first post ever, there's very few things that make me even care about Yamazaki. One of those things is Yamazaki getting pummeled. This episode if chock full of it. This is episode sets up a series that will last for years on Gaki no Tsukai, and is truly a golden gem in th -- ... wait... a golden gem? Is that even possible? It must be late, I'm being nonsensical. Let me be brief then, and generally non-poetic. Yamazaki gets beatdown, and that makes me happy. Four stars!

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