Matsumoto and Eri, II

Ha! Free time! Whoo!

For today, we have "Matsumoto and Eri, II" which is the second chapter in a fake love story between our ever loved Matsumoto and Eri, his girlfriend. In the first episode, we find that Matsumoto has a "girlfriend" that he brings to the set, and the two of them go on a spree of shirking their duties and making the audience laugh in the process. The episode ends with Matsumoto having a small argument with Eri, but eventually "reconciling". Today's episode occurs about six months after that point, while the Gaki members are preparing for a contest against another group of comedians.

But first, housekeeping on this old dusty blog!

• From one "Eri" to another, I've done some updating on one of my non-Gaki related posts regarding Eri Hiramatsu, and the song of hers which I am entranced with.


• If you haven't noticed, there's a new poll up. I'm just curious to see what the viewing habits of this blogs readers are. Being cynical, I kind of stereotyped other Gaki viewers, but I decided to use the polling feature to get to know you all more.


• Fixed subtitle files and provided some insight to clear some confusion regarding the end of Itao's Car Crash, regarding the removal of the wife's facial blurring. Matsumoto asks "You aren't Itao's wife, are you?" to which she replies "Of course." This "of course" meaning along the lines of "of course not". Since she's not really Itao's wife there's not need to protect her identity and they remove her face censoring.


• Cleaned up the General Request Post, and updated the status of my "scheduling" basically to "whatever happens, happens". Also, I know you're probably bubbling to find some subtitles to the new Batsu game, but they won't be coming from me. I have hardly any time, recently.
  

Well, now that all the maintenance is done, on with the show!

The show starts like most others. The whole Gaki team is lounging in their dressing room, making smalltalk and just generally joking with each other before taping. The staff gives a debriefing of the plan to do their third "Breath-Holding" episode, which usually feature the Gaki members taking on a group of their comedian friends.

However, mid-preparation, Matsumoto gets a phone call. The flirtation begins and suddenly Eri reveals that the just happens to be in the neighborhood, and she wanted to come talk to Matsumoto. Given that they still had some time before filming, the staff and crew allow it, and seconds later Eri pops into the dressing room.

Expecting another adventure after taping, Matsumoto's mood brightens up. However, Eri drops the "We have to talk" bomb. It's from there that she drops the "We have to talk because we're breaking up" bomb. In an effort to stop his personal life from being shown to the entire viewing public, he scrambles to get the cameramen to stop filming. They keep filming, of course, or else it wouldn't be much of an episode, now would it?



Seeking explanation, Eri drops the "I've found someone else" bomb, which from scientific reports is about eight times more devastating than the "I'd like to be single" bomb. Eri lists of reasons why she's decided that it's time to move on, which Matsumoto tries to get Endou to strike down as complete crap. Endou, wanting absolutely no part in this lover's quarrel, smartly just keeps his mouth shut.

However, the part that's killing Matsumoto is Eri's refusal to answer if it's someone that he knows. Therefore, he just generally assumes that he knows the person. Suddenly, the ever timid director Akihiro Oonuma interrupts and tries to get Eri to spill the beans. Connecting the dots, Hamada figures out the reason why Eri refused to say if Matsumoto knew the other man and why Oonuma is referring to Eri in an close, affectionate way. (If he had no relation to her besides the show she filmed 6 months ago, I probably would have attached some sort of polite form of verb when commanding her to talk and/or attached a respect-showing suffix to her name.)

Enthralled by the juicy gossip, Hamada proceeds to extract all the details of the affair from the two in the guilty party. Apparently the whole thing started when Eri came to the show. Damn, Oonuma, you're a player. Apparently after the little spat Hitoshi and Eri had, Oonuma managed to work his way into the little crack in the relationship and started to push Eri away from Matsumoto. As Endou points out, they are even wearing matching necklaces.

Producer Suga, wanting a generally happy work environment, feels it is his job to step in and keep the "expendable" staff from pissing off the stars, so he confronts Oonuma, and scolds him for messing with a taken woman. Oonuma responds with a polite version of "I don't give a damn". Matsumoto, still reeling from the blow, wants to see if there's any chance of reconciliation but cannot put any words together. Hamada, probably sensing his partner's distress leaps in, and prods Eri to get her to give a status on how she really feels about Matsumoto, and how deep the relationship with Oonuma really is. Luckily for Matsumoto, she's still got a place in her heart for him, and could possibly be won back.

It's around this point that I started to think that in his younger days, Hamada might have been "the other man" a few times. He seems to know just what to say, like he's used to this situation. When Yamazaki and Tanaka try to force Eri back over to Matsumoto with a guilt trip, Hamada just tells them to shut up because this is Eri's decision to make, not theirs. Suga, sensing that Eri can generally go either way, gives Matsumoto a way to win Eri over by suggesting that they compete in the Breath Holding event for Eri's love. Since Matsumoto has experience in it, he probably figured he'd have the advantage. Both men agree, but just to get a grip on the magnitude of the situation, Matsumoto asks how far the two have gone in their scandal. Refusing to give up that information, everyone assumes that Oonuma's managed to hit a "home run" and score. However, Endou tries to pry the info out with "If you did it, you should just be a man about it and say so."

irony - (n.) When a man who would later get kicked to the curb for his wandering eye and general refusal to admit the details to his wife, tells another man that he should just admit it when he's having sexual encounters with someone he shouldn't be.

Now that both competitors are ready for battle we move on to the competition itself. Eri takes over as host of the segment, and has me laughing at her mannerisms. The arm flailing when she tells "Hiro-kun" to "STAAAAA~TO" just cracks me up. However, something unfortunate happens, and Oonuma is no longer to compete, and has to be pulled out of the water. Eri, finding that she truly loves Oonuma, performs mouth-to-mouth on her true love.



We then cut to a montage of how Eri and Akihiro's love for each other blossomed, accompanied by "Itoshi no ELLIE" by the Southern All-Stars. The song is a pretty special song in Japan because it was later covered by the great Ray Charles. It's praised as one of the few songs from Japan, along with the likes of "Sukiyaki" by Kyu Sakamoto and "Shima Uta" by The Boom, to get worldwide recognition in more than the niche "Otaku" market. This song helped set off a boom of Japanese naming that with names that were both common to Japanese and other languages, usually English or Chinese. Names like Eri (Ellie), Erika, Dan, Jun, and Reina which were also names in languages like English, Chinese and French, gave parents that "Hey, my child's name is now acceptable worldwide!" feeling.

Anyway, by the end of the montage, the audience as well as Matsumoto realize that there's no way for Hitoshi to win back Eri's heart. Endou and Hamada try the usual "You can do better" and "Those two nuts belong together" bits, but Hitoshi's little heart is still broken.

This episode hadn't yet been put in my big chart of Gaki episode summaries and rankings. If I had to choose, I'd give it 4 stars on my wonky rating system. It's not the greatest episode, but some parts are non-intentionally pretty funny, like Oonuma's Rapist Face when he meets Eri during the montage. I'd say it's only slightly less funny than the first episode, which I'd have to find and dig out of the pile of episodes. Unfortunately, there are some videos on my hard drive that aren't named correctly to let my find them quickly, so I'd have to wade through most of them to find it. So, I probably won't be putting that up anytime soon, sadly.

As a general conversation sparker, have any of you out there ever been "the other man/woman"? In middle school, I was, in a way. While the relationship between myself and this girl was strictly platonic in my eyes (partners for a school project. Nothing more.), she viewed it as more, and essentially left her boyfriend for me. After being confronted by her huge, jock boyfriend, the girl and I had a little talk about what the word "platonic" means. She generally lost all feelings for me after that, but I don't think the two of them ever got back together. Oh well.
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Itao is Watching!

(Original airdate: 2/7/1999)

Sorry about the late post AGAIN this week. Got stuck helping a friend move to a new apartment. Unfortunately, this friend has no sense of space and when to let things go, so there was a ton of unnecessary things that he wanted to take with him, etc. I was trapped all weekend, and it takes about 2 days for me to subtitle a video, especially one this speech-heavy. And then I've got to post a review here, which usually make take another night to really refine and polish, but since I don't want to be any later, I'm just going to throw one together in about an hour. Sorry for giving you less than my best. *bow*

Before we get started, a few reminders. The first poll is going to be ending! It looks like Matsumoto is far out in the lead, so I'll probably just declare him the winner now, as Yamazaki getting enough votes to take over the lead is probably the result of foulplay (I can see where the votes are coming from :P ). It ends at the end of Friday. Well, Saturday morning at exactly 12:00, but anyway. Just vote if you haven't!

Then stay tuned for one or two new polls. These polls will be shorter duration and have fairly little effect on the programming here at BlackGaki, but it's a way to get input out of you. So, on with the program.

It was a day like any other. The Gaki No Tsukai members and staff were going to play some badminton and try to shake off some cabin fever caused by the cold winter. Nothing out of the usual. We just get to sit back and enjoy the antics of 4 comedians as they try to play a game which they really have no idea how to play, with the help of a referee who has EVEN LESS idea of how to play. (If you swing and miss at a shot that lands out, it still landed out, Yamazaki! You'll see what I mean when you watch the video.)

Nothing out of the ordinary should happen here. . .

Just going to play some normal, fun, uninterrupted badminton. . .


We're all good at the beginning. Everyone's going to enjoy a nice refreshing game of badminton in a park in the city. The members are divided into Hamada-Endou and Matsumoto-Tanaka teams for the match. When the action begins the Hamada-Endou team (in blue) takes the first point as Matsumoto seems to lack hand-eye coordination with a racket. Both teams find their rhythm and coordination, and finally get a few rallies going, with Endou and Tanaka having some sort of unintentional "Who can hit the birdie the unnecessarily high?" match. After a point that requires a line judgement, Yamazaki spots a familiar face on the veranda of an overlooking residential building.



That figure is Ittsuji Itao, member of the comedy group 130R. Itao is also a member of Yoshimoto Kougyou talent agency, along with the other Gaki members, and worked with Downtown for about 7 years on the show "Gottsu Ee Kanji". One of his main gags is his "wife", who usually is just a sidekick to Itao's hairbrained get-rich-quick schemes. These "wives" aren't his real wife, as he is happily married. The comedy wives are usually foreigners, but in the earlier episodes, they were native Japanese. I believe so far he's had about 6-7 wife characters with the 4th or 5th one being the most popular (the one that dances, and uses only 3-4 phrases). I'll probably have some sort of post on the history of his wives and what I've been able to dig up on some of them.

Anyway, they don't want Itao watching them, which is understandable, as Itao does look somewhat creepy when he stares. He's got the buggy rabbit-eyes thing going on. Naturally, being a shot on location with skies looking somewhat gray, they want to wrap up the shoot as soon as possible. So, they send the doughy manager, Fujiwara, up to ask Itao to kindly GTFI, with I being "inside." After some arguments, Itao does in fact GTFI and the members are able to play.

The quiet doesn't last very long as Itao emerges again. This time, they send a squad of men, slightly more intimidating than chubby little Fujiwara, to make it clearer that Itao has to let them finish taping. And he does get the message and goes back inside disgruntled.

So we thought...

And ONCE AGAIN, Itao peeks his head out onto the veranda to watch the match. The part I found funny about this whole staged situation (Yes, it's staged. Sorry if I ruined the thinly-veiled surprise) is that there actually is a random spectator watching from the roof at 5:13. Ha! Anyway, Itao returns with a vengeance. He doesn't think he should have to go inside, as the place is his house after all. They chose that spot to work and they should just deal with it if he cares to watch from his own property. Minor hilarity and minor blackmail ensue. . .




So in the end, Itao wins the badminton tournament, and the legacy of Itao's episodes on Gaki No Tsukai begins. On my scale, I gave this episode a 4. It was fairly good, but compared to other Itao episodes this is just the basics. This episode itself isn't that iconic in the GNT universe, but this type of structure provides the foundation of what Itao's involvement in Gaki will be for years to come. I promise more Itao episodes to come, as those are some of my favorites (mainly for his wife though).

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Goodbye, Yamazaki! 1

If I remember correctly, I had come home from a bad day at school. Or maybe it was summer, and I had a hard day at work. Anyway, I had a crappy day, and I came home hoping that Gaki would be there to cheer me up. I opened the video file to find Downtown and Cocorico, wearing suits with a very somber tone to the scene. I looked just above their heads to see a banner reading “Goodbye, Yamazaki!!” My mood escalated tremendously. After years of having to put up with Yamazaki trying to push his way to the TV screen, he’s being sent packing?! Oh Gaki, I knew you’d make the right choice someday. Let’s just hurry up and get this episode over with, so we can have the show feature the four people I can stand!





Hamada breaks the news that Yamazaki will be leaving the program, and today will be his last episode, due to his “graduation.” Yamazaki is brought out, wearing a tuxedo that looks too big in the shoulders, to explain his feelings. Hamada tries to put the mood into perspective with an “although it’s a sad time, it’s also a happy time” type of speech, when all I really care about is whether the door’s going to hit Yamazaki on the way out. Matsumoto brings up that neither he nor Endo had heard anything about his reasoning behind leaving the show. Yamazaki tries to spit out this crap about how he’s found a girlfriend and implies that he won’t have time. Then he tells the real story about how he wants to appear on more than one show, and they tell him that ain’t going to work, so he decided to leave. Apparently, Matsumoto realizes that Yamazaki is worthless, because he’s turning away from the camera to laugh. Wait. . . That’s why he’s laughing, right? It has to be.

Anyway, Yamazaki has chosen his best 5 clips from his time on Gaki No Tsukai. C’mon. Let’s get this over with. . .

First is Yamazaki’s attempt at becoming a “Super Yogore” comedian. (I actually thought about covering this episode. I’ll get to it eventually, I promise.) In an attempt to be a shock comedian, Yamazaki goes to a “Love hotel” with a dresser. Love hotels are hotels that you rent out on basically hourly rates, and are for, well, making love in. He proceeds to wash and give an “erotic massage” to the dresser, while Downtown watch from a separate room via camera.

In fourth place is Yamazaki versus Jimmy Oonishi. Not just one episode, but over several episodes, Yamazaki and Jimmy Oonishi, which many of you know from the High School Penalty game as the “Ten. . . Ten. . . Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten” guy, had a feud going on. The clip shows Jimmy doing a move to Yamazaki’s car a la Rick James on Charlie Murphy’s couch. (That first note that shows up during that scene says that is really Yamazaki’s car.)

Coming in third place is a prank that the show played on Yamazaki in which an actor plays the role of the older broth of the girl that Yamazaki is dating. Basically, Yamazaki tries to bitch out and act like he’s not there AFTER he asks “Who’s there?” when the actor knocks. Dumbass. Then when the accomplice writer “accidentally” opens the door for the actor, Yamazaki acts like he’s not Yamazaki. The prank is revealed and he gets all teary-eyed, etc.



Second place is the “Haunted School Piano Concert”. In a penalty game, Yamazaki’s forced to walk around a “haunted school” getting instructions and sheet music on songs to play on the piano. It’s dark and eerie enough, but with added scares from the set-up traps placed by the production crew, there was lots of screaming and whining going on.

Number one is “Yamazaki vs. Moriman: Battle of the Blaze”. As for the reasoning behind this, I’m pretty sure that if you’ve seen the series, you’d know why it’s easy for anyone to enjoy. If you’re a Yamazaki fan, you’ll love that he’s not afraid to make fun of himself. If you’re not a Yamazaki fan (you probably can tell which side of the fence I’m on), you get to see him get his ass handed to him repeatedly. Featured in the clip is a brief history of the “Hot, hot ankake” battle, in which competitors pour hot soup over each other in order to make the other give up.

After the clip, it’s time for the members and prominent members of the staff to say their goodbyes. First up is Producer Suga, starts his message with the traditional “Thanks for these 12 years”, etc. message, and then descends into speaking complete gibberish because he doesn't have much else to say. Then Cocorico gives a speech, and Downtown drops a bomb basically saying “It’s a good thing you quit, because otherwise we were going to.” Ha! ROFL! OWNED!


Next up is Yamazaki’s turn to speak to the audiences. He basically gives the typical “Thank you for cheering me on” speech but adds “I just want to appear on a few other shows”. Ha! Yet again! Ha!
As soon as Yamazaki leaves the stage, Matsumoto explains that his leaving makes it easier on the show. A group of five is a hard thing, and having only four people makes it easy to work together and easier to split up into teams. Way to look at all the positives, Matsumoto! It looks like we’ll be seeing a lot more 2 vs 2 competitions on Gaki No Tsukai, with four people that are going to make this interesting. This calls for cute, little, celebratory emotes! (^__^)b \o/ 8-)
Hrm. . . “Yama-chan wa. . . Gaki No Tsukai Yamahende!”... Doesn’t that mean, “Yama-chan isn’t leaving Gaki No Tsukai”? Wait. . . WHAT?! No! Why is Yamazaki standing behind that curtain? And what in the world is he doing in that shirt?! This is all a joke? No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Why is the music starting? Oh, not Ricky Martin... And what's with the Engrish?
. . .
Oh great, now he's doing Para-Para dancing?! Leave. Now.

Okay, Gaki. You got me. I thought you'd kicked him to the curb. Jokes on me. Har har har. Overall, I gave this episode a 4-star rating. If they'd actually booted him off of the show, it would be along the lines of a 25-star rating. I've found out that I really didn't like this episode because I had to subtitle it, and this episode is almost all talk. Secondly, the announcer's voice during the montage is so damn slow, I'd have to leave some subtitles up for 10 seconds just waiting for him to finish a sentence. *shakes fist vehemently at person who requested this episode* Anyway, I guess it's better that I just go ahead and get reviewing it out of the way. I probably won't do most of the others. They're the same format, with different clips and slightly funnier parting messages. The ending parts where he proclaims he's not leaving are the only parts worth the time, in my opinion.

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Ice Coffee Limit Check

Another one of Gaki no Tsukai’s long-running series, the Genkai(Limit) series finds the Gaki members interacting with just more than each other. They take the action out into the real world with real people. The first episode in the Genkai series comes about due to Matsumoto flubbing up his order and his observation that if you go into a restaurant and order ice coffee, even if you should slur or mangle the word a little, you’ll still get the iced coffee. Isn’t it funny how Matsumoto gets all sorts of ideas from restaurants, like when he wanted to make waitresses spin in place.

So Downtown and Yamazaki hit the tour bus, and head out into the town. Matsumoto kicks his idea off by introducing 11 things that he thinks that you can say and still get away with. They are:

• “aisu moohii” (Ice Mohi)


• “naisu koohii” (Nice coffee)


• “maisu moohii” (Mice Mohi)


• “naisu koochi” (Nice Coach)


• “aisouwarai” (a faked smile)


• “koohii koohii” (coffee coffee)


• “tansu nouhin” (a cabinet delivery)


• “atsui koohii” (Hot coffee)


• “aitsu mou ii” (I’ve had enough of him)


• “haisosaitii” (High Society)


• “aianhiiroo” (Iron Hero)

They only aired 10 of the them, and cut out the “atsui koohii”, which always got hot coffee. Due to Downtown's notoriety, they send Yamazaki to do the hard work, as at that time he was still fairly unknown. Let’s see how the little runt did. . .



First up, “Ice Mohi”. Yamazaki orders his “ice mohi” and the waiter stands there with a dumb look on his face, trying to confirm that that he really meant iced coffee. When asks for four “ice mohi”s, he knew it wasn’t a mistake and went to fetch the drinks. “Nice coffee” went off without a hitch, and the waiter returns with an iced coffee. Hopefully it actually tasted good, then he would have gotten what he ordered.

For the third attempt, Yamazaki finds himself trying to order a “Mice Mohi”, which he does actually get. But I’d like to take this moment to make a public service announcement: Children, brush your teeth. The waiter helping Yamazaki and friends has a grill that would make Chuck Norris cry. (Yes, I did just make a Chuck Norris joke, even though those are about 3 years old now.) Seriously, his teeth are so bad that his hairline is running away from it.
The fourth phrase, “Nice Coach”, was a close one. The waitress and the man making the orders both heard it, but assumed he was talking about coffee after he refused to give a response. The waitress just decides to screw it and go with an iced coffee. It was just barely close enough to pass.

Aisouwarai is a forced smile, kind of like when you’re forced to play nice with someone you really don’t like. Apparently when you order at a restaurant with that, you get iced café au lait. I guess I can see how that would work: “Aisouwarai” versus “Aisuoore”.

Ordering a “coffeecoffee”, gets you regular hot coffee. That would be a no-brainer, so I can’t figure out why Yamazaki looked surprised and disappointed when she brings hot coffee.

The seventh is where we just ditch the concept of coffee altogether and start ordering all sorts of oddball things. The seventh phrase is “tansu nouhin” which translates to “delivery of a dresser/cabinet”. There was no way that these from here on out were going to pass.

“Aitsu mou ii” is eighth, and this threw the waitress for a loop. She tried to act like she understood the order and walked off, but when Yamazaki called her over to make sure that she got it right, she gave away that she had no clue.

The last two, “High Society” and “Iron Hero” were just not going to pass. I do commend both of the waitresses for not slapping Yamazaki in the face for his idiocy. The last waitress even wanted to learn, like she wanted to stay on top of the current slang and lingo. She figured it was a new trend that she might need to take note off. I’d give her a tip if I was Yamazaki.

After reviewing the results, Matsumoto takes Hamada out to try ordering with high-level words. The hilarious and the miraculous ensue. However, in the comedy talk after the opener, Hamada puts Matsumoto in his place by exposing the truth about what happened in the coffee shop that day.



Overall, I give this episode a 4-star rating. For more on my wonky rating system, check this out.

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山崎ケツ公開スパーリング （Yamazaki Vs Moriman Part 1)

Original Airdate: 11/03/1996
Yamazaki Housei ketsu koukai sparring. Yamazaki vs. Moriman 1

This episode is a classic that will start what will go down in history, at least in my book, as a legendary series on Gaki no Tsukai. Yamazaki, who recently joined as a regular on the show still has to prove himself to Downtown, and therefore has decided to show that the entertainment world is all about kicking ass and getting your ass kicked. On a side note, he does all this while wearing this schoolboy uniform.

Downtown didn't ask why he wore this, so neither will I.

Yamazaki has decided to warm up, and then have a match with the Champion. Myself, nor Matsumoto or Hamada know how a champion exists, but apparently there is one. The rules of the battle are simple: Pull off the opponent’s pants, leaving them to lie there bare-assed in shame. The first two matches are sparring matches in which Yamazaki faces a group of five opponents at once, and cannot remove his opponent’s pants. The point is to see just how long he can hold out against them. I think the main reason is to see Yamazaki get straight owned by 5 people at once.

The first match is against a squad of American Football players. The squad doesn't see to be professional, but hey, they're just there to tear the pants off of Yamazaki. It doesn't take a professional anything to do that.

A pitiful nine and a half seconds. I can't play a song on my violin sad enough to describe how sad that was, but then again, I've only been learning for about 3 months so I can't play much of anything.

Sparring match two is against the fearsome "おばさん軍団” or "Granny Squad". These here ain't your "give you fresh baked cookies" variety of grannies. These are the pants-pulling, ass-slappin' grannies that your friend told you stories about, but you never believed.



After strutting down to the ring, the grannies sized up the opposition. Yamazaki seemed to want to size up the granny in the gray blouse...

... but, uh... Yamazaki... that big grape looking thing behind you looks like she can crush you with her left boob alone... (which I secretly wish she did)


As is somewhat obvious if you know how weak Yamazaki is, he gets dragged to the ground and stripped. Left to lie in shame, with this ass flapping in the breeze.

After the warm-ups, it's time to take on the Champion, which no one knows who appointed as the Champion. The champion is Moriman. I guess technically that's wrong. Moriman is a duo made up of 種馬マン(Taneuma-man) and モリ末(Moriou), but Moriou is the one doing all the fighting. Taneumaman serves as the corner girl. Aaaaaanyway, the champion makes their way into the ring, and starts by sending a message of the hard slap to Yamazaki's face. This is where to the battle begins. Yamazaki can now try to take off his opponent's pants. It's on, show them what you can do, Yamazaki.

Not much, apparently, lol. Okay, well you have to give the man some credit. After taking that beating, he gets back up and is ready immediately for his rematch. You lost the battle, not the war. Get 'er done, Zaki.

Okay, so now you've lost the war. It's okay, Yamazaki. Unfortunately for you (yet fortunately for the rest of us), you'll be fighting Moriman again later.

I'm giving this episode 6 stars. As I said in my first post ever, there's very few things that make me even care about Yamazaki. One of those things is Yamazaki getting pummeled. This episode if chock full of it. This is episode sets up a series that will last for years on Gaki no Tsukai, and is truly a golden gem in th -- ... wait... a golden gem? Is that even possible? It must be late, I'm being nonsensical. Let me be brief then, and generally non-poetic. Yamazaki gets beatdown, and that makes me happy. Four stars!

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