Itao's Car Crash!

(Original Airdate 7/18/1999)

Hello, hello! It's time, once again, for the Gaki members to let out some pent-up aggression with a dodgeball match. In commemoration of a new summer, the Gaki members head to a nearby park to shoot. [sarcasm] And like always, when Gaki doesn't shoots on location for playing sports, they always go off without a hitch. [/sarcasm] On the way to the location shoot, several things happen.

First, the other Gaki members put Yamazaki's ticket sales out in public, which made me laugh. It makes me smile to know that not everyone's just slobbering all over his tiny, shriveled testicles like the Japanese fan-girls do with the other, more testicularly-ample members.

The second, and in my mind the less gratifying thing, is they get into a car accident. The large Gaki location bus gets into a silent, non-fatal crash, all while staying about 5 feet from the car in front of it.

Stay tuned, BlackGaki readers, you are about to witness a tale of love, spilled stew, and murder on the dodgeball court...



It was a day like any other. Five celebrities, their manager, and TV production crew head out to do a shoot on-location in a local park. And like any other day as a Gaki member, when you do an on-location shoot, there will be several things that go wrong. So, yes, this will be a day like any other.

On the way to the park, Yamazaki tries to make friendly conversation with the other members about their experiences with dodgeball. When Endou tries to be analytical, Yamazaki takes the "sarcastic-ass" route and cuts the conversation short. Matsumoto, hereby demonstrating on why everyone loves him, blasts Yamazaki's ticket sales. For some reason, I can just see these empty audiences who come to see the shows. I'd wager a bet that at least 3 of the 25 people who came to see his performance in Nagoya were in his own family. Seriously, when only 25 people show up for a show, your material must suck. Even struggling comics can pull in 35-40 if they can get a gig. I can just imagine Yamazaki not being able to pull off a gag, and then resorting to whatever the Japanese equivalent is for the "Wow, all you ladies are looking good tonight" bit. Then, by his own mention, he only managed to sell about 1/3 of the seats in his performance in Tokyo. Haha, all these years on Gaki No Tsukai really built up your following, hasn't it?

Suddenly, the location bus stops. The car in front of the bus is waving the bus down to pull over. The driver gets out, and it's none other than our friend, Itsuji Itao.



This episode shows prime examples of several comedic elements that I love about the Itao episodes.

First of all, these episodes are filmed on the streets, so there's usually bystanders just watching. I -LOOOOOVE- seeing the occasional passer-by get completely starstruck and defecate all over themselves. I present to you a prime example, the woman right behind Itao :



You can practically see her bowels loosening at the sight of Hamada! She then seems to emit some sort of dork-summoning signal which calls in dorky goon to pop onto the left side of the screen for a second. It's always fun to see how many people just watch, like I may have commented on in the "Itao Is Watching" episode, where there's a random bystander on the roof of the building that the cameraman tried to zoom in to hide, to preserve the integrity of the storyline.

Itao's signature on the Gaki No Tsukai series, besides his love of money, is his use of his "wife". Over the years, there have been many wives. The one probably most of you are familiar with is the one with the long ponytail who dances, as seen in the High School and Police station penalty games. I plan to discuss the history of "Itao's Wife" in an episode shortly, including some facts you may not know. Over the years, we've seen several "wives" come and go. I believe we're on wife number 9 or 10. Yet, I digress.

The second thing I love is the "I signal, you say" type of interaction that Itao uses. Itao's Wife is usually limited in vocabulary. In most cases, she's a foreigner that doesn't and thus there's she just has to take body-language cues from the situation and give her usual response of "mochiron sou yo!" ("Of course so"). It's hilarious when they fool her into confirming something that only hurts Itao's position in begging for money.

Okay, so back to the action. While trying to settle this little accident, Itao goes through the contents of his car. I don't know how hard I laughed when I saw the spilled stew. I don't know what it is about it, but I just crack up. Maybe it's because I found it funny, and Matsumoto just cracks up laughing when he sees it, thus making it thousands of times funnier. Maybe it's because it's poop-brown with broccoli floating in it. I don't know, I just find it funny. So for my, and hopefully your, viewing pleasure here's pictures of the spilled stew. XD




Itao then reveals the slightly less comical contents of his trunk, and then begins the usual negotiations for some money. They agree to pay for the car repair, but like almost all people are starting to do in today's litigious society, he brings up the "Oh, my neck. It may be whiplash" line. I wonder if we have seen the last of him for this episode? Okay, we haven't. There's another video right below this.



We knew this was coming. They show up again in neckbraces and toting X-ray pictures. They're injured, and seeking compensation. So, after another round of negotiation with the Cowardly Lion -- I mean Producer Suga, Itao decides to make the most of this appearance on the show and try to earn the money by joining the dodgeball game. When he manages to get his foot in the door, he weasels his wife onto the other team, so no matter which team wins, his family gets a share of the prize money. I SEE WUT U DID THERE, ITAO.

And in breaking news, there's been a death on the park. Not from a rapist, not from a serial killer. This time from a rubber dodgeball. Today, a woman known as "Itao's Wife" was killed during a dodgeball match after being struck in the leg and getting too damned excited. (I'll admit the clutching of the heart during the fall was so funny though.)

And in an act of stubbornness and love, Itao fights to get his wife an ambulance as soon as possible. The only obstacle in the way is the prospect of the undivided prize money. It's just not Yamazaki's day, is it? First his underachievement is put out in front streets for all to see, then Itao fake-demeans him.

About three hours ago, somewhere almost halfway around the world, Chuck Norris farted. Those sacred sulfur molecules wafted all the way over to Japan and into the nose of one dead Itao's Wife, and brought her back to life and all lived happily ever after. (Yes, I made a Chuck Norris joke, even 4 years after those things went out of style.)

Clarification note: There seems to be some confusion, in both my translation and the interpretation of the removal of the Wife's face mosaic. Matsumoto asks "You aren't Itao's wife, are you?" to which she replies "Of course." This "of course" meaning along the lines of "of course not". Since she's not really Itao's wife there's not need to protect her identity and they remove her face censoring. This is what errors in your subtitle files gets you, kiddies. They have been fixed to display a more clear and correct translation.

I don't know how to rate this episode. This is another one of those episodes that I didn't attach a rating to. I want to give it around a 6 on my rating scale, but then again I want to give it a 9 just for the stew. You guys have no idea how long I spent laughing at just the 20 second interval where they were showing the stew. I have no clue why I find it funny, but I do. I'll just go ahead and give it a 6. Mochiron sou yo. (Maybe I should create some labels so you can search episodes by rating? I think I might do that.)