[Update] Damn you and you law, Murphy!

For those of you unfamiliar with Murphy's Law, it states:

"Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong."

Well, it has. Two weeks before graduation, my computer is fried. My AC adapter made a popping noise and subsequently, my computer died. I think it was a power surge or something. Motherboard might be fried. Work on Gaki has halted currently, until I can either get a cable to get all my stuff from my hard drive and/or get a new computer.


Still currently working on translating a full episode.

Just to stop baiting you with suspense, it's the baseball episode that someone requested earlier.

Hopefully, I'll get this resolved soon. >___<

Also: I just widened out the text area, so that they videos don't get cut off on the edges. (Yay for learning basic CSS!)
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Oyassan!

Hello.

Been a while since a video post around here, huh?

Well, I feel a little bit rusty, but I'll try and shake it off. Anyways, I'm working on something coming soon.

Hopefully, you'll keep today's BBB in mind the next time you go to get your hair cut.



The scene starts off in the barber shop, with Kouji Imada playing "Kou-chan" who we can assume is either the student or even son of Oyassan, played by Matsumoto. Hamada has come in for a haircut after a long time. Hamada, trying to make small talk, tries to get Oyassan to complement Kou-chan. This sets off Oyassan into a flurry of insults and other outrage at the disappointment that is Kou-chan.



Also, some more translator's notes:

• "Oyassan" is like a contraction of the word "Oyaji-san", which means something like "shopkeeper". In this case, I figured they were using like a nickname so I figured I wouldn't change it.


• "sparta" is a word sometimes used in Japanese to describe extremely strict education practices, like they did for children that were destined to be warriors back in Sparta. So, when Oyassan says "You have to be strict with him, he only responds to tough training", he's more literally saying "You have to strict with him because this is SPARTA!"


• The "What's the bread you can't eat, even though it's bread?" joke is hard to explain because it's wordplay, but I'll try. The word "pan" means bread in Japanese. So the joke is really: What's the "pan" you can't eat even though it's "pan"?
  
  This is one of those jokes with many answers, but some of the most popular are: frying pan, Peter Pan, Ja-pan, etc. Basically, any word that ends with "pan" that is not a type of bread will work.

I like the dark humor in this skit because at the beginning you never see it coming. You just think, "Oh, a barber shop. Maybe some odd gossip or something will happen here". And then it's a complete beatdown. The gushing part was by far the funniest for me, for several reasons. First, the sheer look that Imada had on his face. His goofiness had been on display the entire skit, but it just shines there. Second, the sheer amount of blood. It got EVERYWHERE! Third, and one of the reasons I love Gottsu Ee Kanji so much, is YOU in the background laughing her ass off. You can tell that's her and it just makes you laugh even more.

I was a little disappointed though at the ending. It is true that a lot of Gottsu skits only have the main premise defined and its up to the actors to bring it to some form of closure, but this one should have had a better ending. The last minute or so just wasn't that great (except for maybe the uncooperative animal actor in the back). The problem is, that I can't think of any better way to end the skit. It's really hard to say "It could/should have been better" when you can't really define what "better" would be.

So! My challenge to you out there is: How would you end the scene? Comment away!
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A Bunch of Catch-up!

Oh my, it's been a while since my last post... Anyone still out there? *knocks on your computer screens*

Given my graduation from college in about a month, I've been all absorbed in job searches, senior projects, etc. Still haven't gotten a job locked in, but I have interviews, which is a good thing. Damned down market. Why couldn't it wait until AFTER I got a job to go into recession? For fear of starting some sort of political debate, I'm just going to jump off of the subject right there.

Anyway, first up. The results of the License Poll show that most people (57% of them) would like to see License take up some roles in limited capacity on GnT. Most others (37%) feel they should probably either start bringing the funny in immense portion or get their own show or just go somewhere and sit in a corner. I feel kinda sad for them in a way, and somewhat not. I think we can all live without them, but some would like to give them some chance to shine.


Secondly, sometime while I was away, my YouTube channel passed on...
*quick eulogy*
It was a good YouTube channel...
It loved to make people laugh...
*breakdown*
TAKE ME, TOO!!!
*jumps onto casket*

I planned on updating most of the subtitles for my earlier works after I reviewed them and found a bunch of things to change. So, I may start replenishing them once I get the chance.

As for progress and anything coming down the pipe, I have one BBB done and one episode is about 60% done, I guess. At least it's better than nothing.

I just want to go over the BBB a few more times. I watched it through once or twice, and it just seemed... off. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe I've lost my flair? Maybe it's just rust? Either way, quality of work must remain high. It will be out soon though, so there will be more than just text posts here shortly.

Stay tuned.
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License Poll!

It's March! February flew by quickly, didn't it? Anyways, that means that it's the end of the "Label formatting" poll. Judging from the results, only one person thought the previous formatting was better, and the rest of you either don't care, don't use the labels, or like the current format better. Most said that you didn't really care, so I guess I won't worry about formatting too much.

Just to give a quick update, I've got a few things I had been slowly but surely toiling away on. I decided that I should just buckle down and get one of them done, and I'll just devote all of my free blogging time to finishing that up and getting it out the door.

Now with all that taken care of, on to the topic of this month's new poll: License!

License is a comedy team under Yoshimoto, the same agency which manages Downtown. They've sometimes appear on Gaki no Tsukai as hosts, and have appeared in the latest Batsu game as announcers for the "Heipo Channel". They've made a few appearances also during some of the Oogiri and Gaki vs. Tenso episodes as title card flippers, usually wearing short-shorts, as seen below.

One of them has also made a character named "Vacuum Fujiwara" who is an amateur competitive eater. This character comes from the big boom that Japan had revolving around competitive eating and eating massive amounts of food. For a while they have been doing the warm-up act for the crowd before Downtown comes on and does their thing, which is rarely seen on TV, but if you've ever been in the audience for the show, they aren't unfamiliar faces.

As of late, it seems that they are being prepped and preened to have a larger role on Gaki no Tsukai. Perhaps something along the lines of a more frequent semi-regular role or even the big step to a regular, every-week appearance. I guess you could call them semi-regulars by now. So, this month, my question to you is:
"Would you like License to join the Gaki members?"

I personally am a little torn on the subject and I don't think that I myself am ready to give a decision. So, I'll list off my reasoning, and maybe it'll give you some food-for-thought to help you cast your vote.

In support of Regular Appearances: New Opportunities
In support of License being joining full-time, it creates some opportunities for some new characters and new situations. Like I mentioned above, the Vacuum Fujiwara character could become more developed, but it would be hard to imagine how something like that would play out especially considering that the brunt of the competitive eating boom in Japan is over. Maybe they could make him homeless and eat anything for money.

Another reason would be for the sake of Cocorico. I guess mainly for Endou's sake. In the his time on Gaki, Endou has always been the "new guy" in the business, and therefore had to show respect to everyone. However, he's the tsukkomi (straightman) in his group. I imagine it's hard for him to really show his prowess in comedic correction when he's bound by etiquette. It's the difference between "Excuse me, but don't you think that is a little foolish?" and "ARE YOU A COMPLETE MORON?!" All of his breakthrough moments on the show have been in stooge positions (Dynamite Shikoku, his Beat Takeshi impersonations, "Hohohoi", etc.) because he can't be as blunt as he'd probably like to be with maybe the exception of Tanaka. License joining would give him someone to bully around. I know it's kinda mean suggesting that they let License in only to be Endou's punching bag, but they would probably get picked on by Downtown anyways so I don't see what the difference is.

In support of Semi-Regular Appearances: Testing the Waters
Like I said above, License probably isn't new to people who have come out to the shows. They do the warm-ups before Downtown comes on to give their talks. But even so, we don't know just how well they'll be taken by home viewers. The episodes that have featured them so far haven't shown much of their personalities. They are usually just there as tag-alongs, but they do have their moments and they don't ruin the mood, per se. I think it might be best to give them spotty appearances until they can develop a fan base beyond the girls who think Fujiwara is cute.

(I think he bears a slight resemblance to Takashi Fujii, if you ask me.)


In opposition to their appearance: There are better
Until they really earn the right to be on the show every week, I don't think they should just get that privilege just because Yoshimoto likes them. I do understand that in the business there are a lot of things that the agency says, and they may be the ones forcing them to play a bigger role in the show. However, Yoshimoto has a HUGE stable of entertainers, and most of them could bring a ton of personality, wit, and popularity to the show. I mean, try to imagine the five current Gaki members plus Itao and Hosshan. Or even another comedy team like Ame Agari Kesshintai. I would personally throw in Summers, but they have their own shows and are very busy. These would probably destroy the argument I made earlier about putting in some people younger than Cocorico so they can have punching bags, but... meh.
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A Salute to Itao's Wife!!!

(I meant to save this for some episode featuring Itao's Wife, but as there's been a lot of Itao here already and I haven't even had a moment to even start anything, I thought I'd just go ahead and throw this out there for your enjoyment and perusal. Please enjoy.)


In comedy as a whole, lots of famous comedians have a running gag. Comedian Itsuji Itao's running gag, at least for the purpose of his appearances on Gaki no Tsukai is his "wife". Almost every time he appears on the show he has a different wife that appears to not be a native Japanese, and usually a different child. This usually sends the entire crew into giggles.

However, it's rare that a running gag has it's own running gag. In this case, Itao's Wife has a weapon that has been passed down from generation to generation of Wife. That weapon is the "もちろんそうよ！！！"　bomb, which is essentially the trademark of being Itao's Wife. It's just not an Itao Wife without it.

However, there is more than one face that has helped add gems on the legacy that is "Itao's Wife-dom". Today, I would like to pay homage to these brave women, and serve as a historian of sorts.


Itsuji Itao has worked with Downtown on several comedy shows in the past but has gained a lot of popularity for his appearances in Gaki no Tsukai where he tries to weasel money out of Downtown and/or Nihon TV. The concept of "Itao's Wife" comes from a joke that Itao once made with Downtown, saying that he got paid so well when he did an appearance on one of their shows that he should bring his wife and have her perform so they could get double the money. While none of them are Itao's real wife, who doesn't want much attention, the common speculation is that Itao finds them from talent agencies or picks them out on the street. As the joke has progressed, the wives started to take a trend towards foreigners. If there's one thing we know thus far about Japanese comedy, it is that "Foreigner = Instant funny". This is compounded by the fact that the Wife only repeated the same phrase over and over again.

Over the course of a years, these women helped build the long-lasting legacy that is Itao's Wife:

Wife One: (a.k.a.: Kazumi (和実))

Debut date: July 18, 1999
Last appearance: June 11, 2000

Other repeat phrases: (None, really)

Notable Distinctions:

• She was the first.


• Made several appearances on Gaki as a standalone character.


• Has overlap with successor.

In the beginning, there was a car crash. This is the first time that the Gaki members meet with the fictional Wife. They had recently gone to Itao's wedding, and noticed that the "wife" getting out of the car was most definitely a different person.

Not much is known about "Kazumi" as she was the first wife, and most people didn't care enough about the joke at that point to pay her much attention. She is the most "asian-looking" of Itao's wives, but it is not clear whether she is a native Japanese or an immigrant. One might assume that she is a native Japanese because she was given Japanese name, but this assumption may be false as we will see later, as some of the obviously foreign wives also have Japanese names assigned to them.

This wife makes not only makes appearances in an Itao-centered episodes, but comes on the show again to help with other episodes like the "High-Tension" episodes as somewhat of a decoration. She just stands by the entrance door. Nothing really there to note. She does clap from time to time.

One of the earlier wife-focused episodes involves a series of acting challenges, where Itao and Wife came and challenge the Gaki members to act out scenes from famous movies. One scene is from a famous seventies movie where the main protagonist is shot. The acting scene was supposed to feature a fake gun, but was actually a "real" one. This mistake on the part of the crew would "kill" Itao's Wife (again). But she's okay, because she comes back for more episodes.

What makes Kazumi-1 so odd is that she has overlap with Itao's second Wife. Kazumi-1's last appearance on Gaki is about six months AFTER the debut of Kazumi-2. However, Hamada seems to be the only one that notices that the wife isn't the same, when they make the initial switch and only makes a passing comment that the others didn't seem to hear.


Wife Two: (also a.k.a. Kazumi)


Debut date: December 26, 1999
Last appearance: September 15, 2002

Other repeat phrases:

• さすがにだめよ！　("Truly, that's no good")

Notable Distinctions:

• Again, overlaps her successor.


• Loses her face concealment after a few episodes.


• Has a more developed personal story with Itao.

The second Kazumi is Itao's second show wife. It's believed that she's from Brazil　because Itao made statements to that in the show. There is some evidence to confirm this, but it's usually taken as fact due to Itao's forthrightness about his wives and their history　(with exception to the fact that they aren't really his wife).

She makes her appearance on Gaki No Tsukai during a Year-end party, helping Itao make off with gifts that were meant to be be prizes for the Bingo games being held throughout the night. By this time, the Gaki members figured that they could trigger the wife to agree with them by trying to get her to speak since she only said "Of course". Itao being as clever as we all know he is, he taught her a counter phrase of "That's really no good". However, with his wife being as unable to understand what everyone is saying, she needed manual prodding to say it. This kinda ruined the gag, but he would try it again later on.

Itao's second wife is one of the few wives who starts out with her face blurred but eventually loses it in favor of her natural face.

Wife 2 in her first appearance, with face concealment.

Kazumi-2 has another distinction of having the most developed backstory with Itao. Besides the usual story of marrying Itao and bringing her kid along, Kazumi also has storyline angle in which she gets pregnant by Itao. Also their older daughter (Itao's stepdaughter) is a prodigy of sorts. This kind of development allowed Itao to give her more lines, but she winds up flubbing most of those anyway.

Also, much like the relationship between Kazumis 1 and 2, Kazumi 2's final appearance date is after the debut of wife 3. However, as I will explain, there might be a reason behind it.


Wife Three:


Debut date: October 28, 2001
Last appearance: October 28, 2001

Other repeat phrases:

• １００度のお湯だよ　("It's 100 degree hot　water!")


• 毒針だよ　("It's a poisoned needle!")


• 毒ヘビだよ　("It's a poisonous snake!")

Notable Distinctions:

• One-hitter Quitter?


• A complete accident?

Wife 3 hails from France and, other than that, very little is known about her. Her debut appearance is also her final appearance. She comes to assist Itao in proving to Gaki and Producer Suga that him battling with his wife would draw far higher ratings than the "Yamazaki vs Moriman" episodes that they do.

I have absolutely no solid facts as to the reason, but I would speculate that she was a last-minute replacement for Kazumi-2.

Reason 1: Kazumi-2 comes back later.

Reason 2: Eye concealment and hair color. Wife 3 has her eyes conceal behind the blur effect, which Kazumi-2 had removed. All other Wives have had the blur removed at some point, and most after this would never even opt for the blur. On the topic of hair color, you will notice that Wife 3 has blond hair. But if you notice the placards and posters made for the battle, you will see that the Wife has brown hair in them.

I assume that if Itao had known that she was going to be playing the role of his Wife for this episode, he would have had this fixed before the time came.

One thing that stands out if you listen to her given lines during the episode, she does have some understanding of Japanese, and it causes her to flub her given lines once or twice, as she substitutes words that are close, but incorrect. For example, during the "Hot Water Flinging Match", her given line is １００度のお湯だよ, meaning "This is 100 degree hot water". At first, she says １００度の水だよ, meaning "This is 100 degree water". When water is heated, the correct word for it becomes お湯, and I believe she realizes this about halfway through the first time she says it and starts over.

The one thing that is very odd is that I kinda miss her. She still stood out to me even though she only appeared for one episode. Luckily Itao's Fourth Wife has a made an impression that no one will ever forget.

Wife Four: ("Sherry")

Debut date:　February 8, 2004
Last appearance: July 1, 2007

Other repeat phrases:

• です！


• その発想はなかったわ ("That's not the point"/"That's not the idea")


• ひじき！　(A type of seaweed)

Notable Distinctions:

• Most popular!


• Signature Dancing!


• Batsu Game Appearances.


• Appearances without Itao.

By far the most well-known of Itao's wives, the fourth wife is known as Sherry. Keep in mind, that I don't know if that's the way her name is spelled. Her name is spelled in katakana as シェリー, and that's the only indication I have to go on. So, her name could either be Sheri, Sherri, Sherry, the Cheri that sounds like the other three listed, or anything else for that matter.

Sherry is originally from India, and this fact is kept consistent with the storyline that Itao portrays to the Gaki no Tsukai members.

A young Sheri, in traditional Indian apparel

This fact results in several jokes involving her and usually naan (Indian-style bread). One such episode involves Itao informing everyone that due to the differences in laws between Japan and India, he and Sherry aren't technically married as far as Japan is concerned. So, Itao and Sherry invite the Gaki members to a wedding reception rehearsal where there are many of the "family members" are Indian. To appease his new "relatives", Itao does a bunch of stereotypical things like set out curry-flavored rice crackers on the tables for them to eat. As wedding entertainment, Itao manages to book the "Indian Version" of all Japan's hot stars. (They're really just Indians who look a lot like the celebrities.) It all winds down as they unveil the wedding "cake": a big pile of naan.


It is unknown just how long Sherry had been in Japan, but she seemed to have the most understanding of the Japanese language. This lead to an expansion of her vocabulary to counter some of the Gaki members. In the case of some other wives, the Gaki members figured out that anything what was obviously directed solely at the Wife would be responded to with the signature "Of course!" This had been abused by Matsumoto and Hamada, as they could get the Wife to contradict some of the reasons for Itao wanting money. Sherry started frequenting the line "That's not what is meant" when she thought it was a trap. Of course, her Japanese was still very limited, and she sometimes still fell for the traps or would use her counter line in the wrong situations.

The one thing which she is probably most famous for is her dancing. Sherry used to be a professional dancer, and you can see that her love of movement really shows. She tended to dance to Madonna during Gaki episodes, but was not limited to that. In the episode mentioned above, she breaks out in the middle of reading a loving letter to her parents and jams to "Crazy In Love" by Beyonce. It seems that Sherry will jam out to practically anything. She lists some of her favorite artists as Madonna, Michael Jackson, Phil Collins, Kazumasa Oda, Boney M., and Santana. This love of dance has been used by Itao and others, especially during the two Batsu games in which Sherry has appeared. Not only are her completely wholehearted attempts at sexy dancing funny, but she tends to add Indian dance elements which send the Gaki members into huge fits of laughter. To date, Sherry is the only Wife to appear in a Batsu game.

Over her three-year stint as Itao's Wife, Sherry's popularity really became something of its own. Sherry soon made appearances and did a few shows without Itao. She even got to host a radio show. Here's some pictures of Sherry at work! :D

I don't know if I still have it or not, but I think I remember hearing a radio clip of Sherry on show with other guest. While she wasn't a native speaker, and some things tended to go over her head, she knew enough Japanese to put a few good points and jokes forward. I probably seem to be obsessed with learning just how much Japanese these ladies know, huh?

In 2007, Itao came back to Gaki and gave an episode about Sherry's life (fictional, of course), then the aforementioned wedding episode and that would be the last episode in which Sherry was featured. She later stated that she had returned to India to take care of some personal matters. However, she has promised that she has not given up show business and will one day make her return to the stage, even if not with Itao.

For anyone who might want to keep up with Sherry, feel free to visit her blog and leave her a kind word of encouragement!


Wife Five:

Debut date:　June 29, 2008
Last appearance: June 29, 2008
Other repeat phrases:

• もうエロイことしか考えられへんわぁ ("I can't think of anything but dirty things!")

Notable Distinctions:

• Another attempt at dancing!


• Dialect! Whoo!

For Wife Five, Itao gets another catch from Europe, namely Sweden. I believe that her name is "Helen" or "Ellen" or something along those lines. She's been on some show before. I know it, but I just can't remember which one. When I do, I'll go verify the name. Wife Five helped Itao out when he was trying to sell his "Erection King" cream. Another dancer, Wife Five tried to pick up where Sherry left off. While she didn't dance in the solo way that Sherry did, she looks like she dances a lot. I mean first of all, she's wearing those odd, sheer pants. Definitely a fashion no-no. Second of all, she's got the well-built legs of a dancer or fitness instructor.

Probably to honor the memory of Sherry, Wife Five did not dance to Madonna, but to "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper. The dance doesn't have the same punch as Sherry's does, probably because Sherry's main point on the dance was to be sexy. Wive Five was more of an aerobics style. That's another point that makes me think she might be an exercise instructor.

While she's got very funny facial expression and such, she's overall very plain and a little disappointing and such. One thing that she has going for her though is the use of dialect in her speech. Her repeat line for this episode, もうエロイことしか考えられへんわぁ, is in Kansai dialect. I believe this is a first for the wives. I would assume that the wife knows just what she's saying, but it makes you wonder if she happens to be able to speak it naturally.


Wife Six:



Debut date:　February 1, 2009
Last appearance: (still active)
Other repeat phrases:

• 汗ばむわぁ！　("I'm dripping sweat!")

Notable Distinctions:

• Spoke English.


• Does not know where her mic is. -___-

Not too much is known about Wife Six yet. A lot of information about these wives surface after they leave Gaki and get work other places. As so, there's a lot of speculation as to the origins of Wife Six. In her most recent episode with Itao, she had to speak to Itao. She spoke back to him in English, leaving many to speculate that she is from a primarily English-speaking country. I personally don't believe it, just because of the awkwardness of it.

The situation in question involves Itao and Wife acting as bodyguards to the Gaki members using only blowdarts. In a routine communication check, Itao speaks into his receiver to verify signal with his wife, but she does not respond. Eventually, she comes through a door and Itao asks her if she could hear him. Wife responds with "I did not listen." I would assume that a native English speaker would say "I didn't hear you" or even "I was not listening".

In her two appearances so far as a "Wife", Wife Six has had some good moments. Especially in her first appearance during the "No Getting Excited Elementary School" episode, where Itao proposes a new format to the yearly Batsu game. We find out that she has a very wide mouth as she deep-throats a roll of makizushi in an attempt to "excite" the Gaki members. She then takes it over the top again as she's supposed to lead the students in a call after eating. She proceeds to do a porn-esque moan for about two minutes in extreme proximity to Matsumoto and Hamada. Very funny standout moments in the episode.

One thing that I noticed is the slight resemblance to Sherry a little bit. Is it just me? At some points she also kinda reminds me of Jennifer Lopez. Just me? Really? I know I'm on cold medicine but I can't be only person seeing it. <_<

One thing that she really needs to work on is her knowledge of microphone placement. The two great moments above required her to not need a microphone or operate a hand-held microphone. During many of her other jokes, she overacts and hits her microphone with her hand, making a big "BOOM BOOM WHIFFWHIFF" sound. This not only drowns out what she was saying, but it kinda ruins the feeling that the viewers are watching a private moment that wasn't meant for TV audiences. Why would she be wearing a microphone if this wasn't staged for us to hear? She wouldn't.


That's about the extent of the knowledge I have to report! I hope this has helped you feel more enlightened and perhaps piqued your interest in Itao's Wife. Plus now you can impress all of your less-knowledgeable friends with your super high IWQ (Itao's Wife Quotient). I will keep an eye out for new developments as well as any new information I can find. Thank you for taking the time to read this... monster... post.

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In the Spirit of Kill Bill!

*climbs out from under a pile of work and papers*

Well, hello there, everyone.

It's been quite some time since I've posted anything video around here. Well, I managed to get some free time, and worked hard enough to squeeze out this BBB for ya!


Today's BBB comes from Cocorico Miracle Type, which was a very good show. The show mainly features Cocorico, Norito Yashima and three female actresses. They also tend to have special guests on the show.

The format of the show itself is fairly mixed, which is one of the things that I liked about it. Sometimes, it would be a mainly "talk-based" show, and sometimes they would break out comedy sketches left and right, and sometimes they would do longer dramatic pieces that might span a few episodes.

As the title states, today's BBB is done in the spirit of the popular movie "Kill Bill". Tanaka plays the role of "Uma", someone who becomes inspired to take revenge on people who have done her wrong, who are played by Norito Yashima as the counterpart to the cycloptic Elle Driver and the stunning Manami Konishi as the fake O-ren Ishii.

As we you know if you watch a lot of Japanese comedy, a good foreigner mockery = instant funny, and this is no real exception. All the characteristics are there: the fake noses, the staccato speech, the abuse of dialect when they seem to be struggling with standard Japanese.

If you've seen the real Kill Bill, you will be surprised at just how good Yashima does as Elle. Her incessant whistling and strutting really made me dislike her character. As for Manami, she's showing why she's managed to be such a big name. I will say that she seems to go in and out of her accent a little bit as the story goes, but she's really pretty. The clip also features Hiroshi Shinagawa, from comedy group Shinagawa Shouji as the angry Chinese man who smacks the "Gogo" wannabe for swinging around a mandarin orange. And who can forget Tanaka. Tanaka's "DAMARE, AHO!" will ring in my ears for days.

*dons slick, teacher's outfit*
The hardest thing about translating this episode is the... I guess you can call it "wordplay". It's not really wordplay so much as it is ambiguity and irony. As some of you may know, the verb "yaru" means to do. On top of that, "yaru" (殺る) is like the Mafia-esque way of saying to "bump someone", to "rub someone out", to "do someone in". You get the deal. It is basically a slang way of saying "to kill". You can hear the passive form of the verb "yaru", "yarareru", in here several times. We're lead to believe, given the context of Kill Bill, that the "yaru" they are using is referring to "killing". However, we later learn that is not the case.

*removes teacher's outfit and makes a quick change into a theater-attendant outfit*

Without further adieu, please enjoy this parody!




*dons nerd glasses, suspenders and breathes heavily*
You may not have noticed, but there's a plot hole in this video. During the yard fight scene, it's implied that "Uma" has a broom made by the legendary blacksmith Hanzo Hattori, and "O-Ren" doesn't know until then. That plotline was feasible in the real movie "Kill Bill" as Uma has her sword crafted, but it's not here. Why, you ask? Because the broom is in "O-Ren"'s house! It's sitting in the corner next to the door, and "Uma" picks it up after entering. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT A LEGENDARY BROOM IS SITTING IN THE CORNER OF YOUR HOUSE?!

Tanaka, reaching for the broom in the corner.
Also, admire my Paint arrow-drawing skillz.

I usually post some sort of "conversation-starter" related to the video at the end of these to sponsor interaction, but I've been so busy that my brain is now fried, and I can't think of one. Doesn't matter. Much conversation doesn't happen at the end of these things anyways. Feel free to have some convo and get to know your fellow readers if you'd like.

See you later.

*climbs back under pile of work, papers, and costumes, possibly never to be seen for a while*
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Viewing Habits Poll Results and New Poll!

When I started this blog, I was pretty cynical about the "typical" Gaki fan. I thought they were "fair-weather" fans who only cared about Gaki when they had a New Year's Special and such.

So, in order to get to know you guys better, I decided to put a new poll up at the end of the year asking you your viewing habits.


A little bit after posting the poll, I realized that I didn't state some of the options the way that I wanted to. I meant to make the "A few clips here and there" into some category along the lines of "Any subtitled clip" or "Subtitled clips only". However, by the time I realized my mistake, it was too late to change the poll. I didn't want to just erase the poll because it would then discard the few votes that were already cast.

The results are as follows:
"I watch every week!" - 32 votes (21%)
"Just the Batsu Games." - 11 votes (7%)
"Whatever anyone puts online." - 99 votes (66%)
"A few clips here and there." - 6 votes (4%)
"Gaki? What's that?" - 1 vote (0%)

After looking at the results, my cynicism is pretty much broken. While there are some who just really care about the specials and such, there are plenty who try to enjoy Gaki for what it is.

In the form which I allowed the poll to run, this makes sense to me. I really wanted to get a feel of how many people needed subtitling before they even attempted to watch the shows vs. how many tried to understand what they could without subtitles vs. how many people don't really have much of a problem because they have sufficient Japanese skill to understand it all.

I could make another poll asking just that, but... meh. Why bother?

As you may have noticed already, I'm trying out a new scheme with the labellings, where I break up the labels into categories instead of one honkin' huge list. Also, to get your feedback on it, I've also created a new poll. Looking forward to hearing how I can better organize around here.

I know that by now most people have looked through everything around here and only have interest in the newer posts, but I wanted to make it more navigable from a new visitor's point of view.

Thanks for reading and participating!
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[Update] After the dust settles...

Well, I've had a few days to think about it, and I realize that I've acted a little childish. Quitting is for quitters. While I would say that I might fall into the quitter category, I figure that some douchebag should ruin all our fun. So, I'd like to apologize for any worry I've caused (because honestly, if you're TRULY worried because one person on the internet as universally insignificant as me is angry, then you might have a little too much free time on your hands) and will not give up on subtitling episodes.

However, as much as I've cooled down since last week, some of the facts of my situation still haven't changed. So I there will be some small tweaks made on my part, and I have a few requests of you out there as well.


So, seeing as I'm still a college student, and will be putting forth my utmost attention in the following months to finishing my education, and trying to land a full-time job, I probably won't have much time for subtitling. My schedule will probably be sporadic, at best. However, most of you have come to expect that. *glances quickly at all the breaks between posts* I appreciate your patience with me as I might be too busy to keep this poor little blog all spiffy.

Secondly, as I really want to make headway into my personal spreadsheet which was the reason for me starting this whole blog, some episodes will be reviewed only. Even though it's Gaki No Tsukai and all, there are some episodes that will generally need no translation or are just a little too boring to translate entirely (like the fishing episodes). While most work recent things will probably be reviews as I still have little to no time, I'll do my best to keep the standout stuff translated, though.

Third, I have some requests for you, the fans. First... DON'T STEAL MY STUFF AND CLAIM IT AS YOUR OWN. Secondly, I ask that you don't take the captions for a while after I publish them. As I'm not a native Japanese speaker, generally type too fast for my own good, and don't proofread most captions before I put them up, initial postings more than likely will have errors in it. After a while, I usually go back and make changes to them, and sometimes I'll put that information in my "housekeeping" that usually occurs at the beginning of some posts, but sometimes not. So, for those of you who just rip the things, call it good and pass them around, you probably don't have the corrected versions. I'd say maybe, a month before you start copying? I dunno, that's kind of a long time, but remember I don't have much time to take second looks at things.

Fourth, don't take this shit so seriously. For those of you who think I'd really go up to Yamazaki and stab him in the face or something if I ever saw him, come back to Earth. While I don't care much for Yamazaki's style of comedy, and like him near the least of Gaki members (he's actually neck-and-neck with Endou in that regard), he's a nice guy and is one of the better family men among the Gaki members. What I say about wanting him to be run over by a truck is HYPERBOLE, people. Sheesh. It's used for greater affect. So before you go posting some sort of "OMG YOU DON'T LIKE YAMACHAN I HATE YOU /wrist /wrist /wrist" comment, please think. Judging by the amount of confusion Endou's Hollywood Audition caused, I've come to realize that people have a hard time distinguishing the real from the fake.

So, that's about all that I can think of for now. So from here on, let's just to have some fun, just with less thievery, okay?

Thanks.
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[Update] Honor Among Thieves!

So, it had been some time since I'd last posted a video here, and was pretty excited to get back into the swing of things. After finishing off the release, writing up a quick review that turned out longer than I'd originally planned, and uploading/updating everything, I was feeling pretty accomplished and energized!

I didn't think it would be this quickly that something would come along and burst my bubble.

A few days ago, a friend of mine came over (read as: barged in) and inquired as to what I was doing (read as: was nosy and stood over my shoulder while I did stuff, breathing heavily) and I think I managed to turn him on to Gaki and things like that.

This morning, I went over his house (read as: barged in) and he showed me some of his favorite websites. Most of them were the usual "funny video" sites. However one of them was a video page from a website where user seems to be uploading subtitled Gaki videos. It seemed this user was trying running their own subtitling operation and putting up quite a few videos. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, and really wanted to get noticed for their work. Then, I soon realized that some of them were my subtitles word-for-word, timecode-for-timecode, taken and uploaded with their name on it without credit. (And no, I wasn't just looking at my own page. It was a completely different website, and the subtitles were hard-coded.)

While I managed to keep my mouth quite, my mind was screaming profanities. Like I said, this is essentially a matter of "honor among thieves", so take this all with a grain of salt. I essentially post copyrighted material, so to claim a "holier than thou" attitude would be arrogant, no? However, taking several of my files, and possibly others since not all of the videos uploaded were from me, and then claiming is just generally wrong.

As I may have mentioned before, I never intended or wanted to be a "subtitler" or anything of the sort. I always thought there'd be too much, umm, notoriety (can't really think of the word I'm looking for) involved. As such, I had my reservations to people copying and distributing my subtitles, even with credit given. I figured that was a given, though. I mean, we are pirates here, right?

For a while now, I've been debating whether I should keep at it or to just stick to reviewing as I originally intended. I think this experience pretty much cements my leaning decision to just stick to reviewing. I would rather my work be boring, ignored, and not appreciated than shamelessly stolen. So I'll just be sticking to general review of episodes for a while. It's a lot faster for me to do, and a lot less stressful. It also doesn't give someone something that they can just re-post and take credit for. (Well, I guess it does but the reviews are pretty boring so I don't know why anyone would want to take credit for them.)

So, I'd like to thank my readers up until now (unless you were stealing my stuff and re-posting it with your name on it, in which case you can go get run over several times by a bus), and would like to apologize for any inconvenience. Hopefully, you'll continue to visit despite this change in formatting.

Thank you.
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Matsumoto and Eri, II

Ha! Free time! Whoo!

For today, we have "Matsumoto and Eri, II" which is the second chapter in a fake love story between our ever loved Matsumoto and Eri, his girlfriend. In the first episode, we find that Matsumoto has a "girlfriend" that he brings to the set, and the two of them go on a spree of shirking their duties and making the audience laugh in the process. The episode ends with Matsumoto having a small argument with Eri, but eventually "reconciling". Today's episode occurs about six months after that point, while the Gaki members are preparing for a contest against another group of comedians.

But first, housekeeping on this old dusty blog!

• From one "Eri" to another, I've done some updating on one of my non-Gaki related posts regarding Eri Hiramatsu, and the song of hers which I am entranced with.


• If you haven't noticed, there's a new poll up. I'm just curious to see what the viewing habits of this blogs readers are. Being cynical, I kind of stereotyped other Gaki viewers, but I decided to use the polling feature to get to know you all more.


• Fixed subtitle files and provided some insight to clear some confusion regarding the end of Itao's Car Crash, regarding the removal of the wife's facial blurring. Matsumoto asks "You aren't Itao's wife, are you?" to which she replies "Of course." This "of course" meaning along the lines of "of course not". Since she's not really Itao's wife there's not need to protect her identity and they remove her face censoring.


• Cleaned up the General Request Post, and updated the status of my "scheduling" basically to "whatever happens, happens". Also, I know you're probably bubbling to find some subtitles to the new Batsu game, but they won't be coming from me. I have hardly any time, recently.
  

Well, now that all the maintenance is done, on with the show!

The show starts like most others. The whole Gaki team is lounging in their dressing room, making smalltalk and just generally joking with each other before taping. The staff gives a debriefing of the plan to do their third "Breath-Holding" episode, which usually feature the Gaki members taking on a group of their comedian friends.

However, mid-preparation, Matsumoto gets a phone call. The flirtation begins and suddenly Eri reveals that the just happens to be in the neighborhood, and she wanted to come talk to Matsumoto. Given that they still had some time before filming, the staff and crew allow it, and seconds later Eri pops into the dressing room.

Expecting another adventure after taping, Matsumoto's mood brightens up. However, Eri drops the "We have to talk" bomb. It's from there that she drops the "We have to talk because we're breaking up" bomb. In an effort to stop his personal life from being shown to the entire viewing public, he scrambles to get the cameramen to stop filming. They keep filming, of course, or else it wouldn't be much of an episode, now would it?



Seeking explanation, Eri drops the "I've found someone else" bomb, which from scientific reports is about eight times more devastating than the "I'd like to be single" bomb. Eri lists of reasons why she's decided that it's time to move on, which Matsumoto tries to get Endou to strike down as complete crap. Endou, wanting absolutely no part in this lover's quarrel, smartly just keeps his mouth shut.

However, the part that's killing Matsumoto is Eri's refusal to answer if it's someone that he knows. Therefore, he just generally assumes that he knows the person. Suddenly, the ever timid director Akihiro Oonuma interrupts and tries to get Eri to spill the beans. Connecting the dots, Hamada figures out the reason why Eri refused to say if Matsumoto knew the other man and why Oonuma is referring to Eri in an close, affectionate way. (If he had no relation to her besides the show she filmed 6 months ago, I probably would have attached some sort of polite form of verb when commanding her to talk and/or attached a respect-showing suffix to her name.)

Enthralled by the juicy gossip, Hamada proceeds to extract all the details of the affair from the two in the guilty party. Apparently the whole thing started when Eri came to the show. Damn, Oonuma, you're a player. Apparently after the little spat Hitoshi and Eri had, Oonuma managed to work his way into the little crack in the relationship and started to push Eri away from Matsumoto. As Endou points out, they are even wearing matching necklaces.

Producer Suga, wanting a generally happy work environment, feels it is his job to step in and keep the "expendable" staff from pissing off the stars, so he confronts Oonuma, and scolds him for messing with a taken woman. Oonuma responds with a polite version of "I don't give a damn". Matsumoto, still reeling from the blow, wants to see if there's any chance of reconciliation but cannot put any words together. Hamada, probably sensing his partner's distress leaps in, and prods Eri to get her to give a status on how she really feels about Matsumoto, and how deep the relationship with Oonuma really is. Luckily for Matsumoto, she's still got a place in her heart for him, and could possibly be won back.

It's around this point that I started to think that in his younger days, Hamada might have been "the other man" a few times. He seems to know just what to say, like he's used to this situation. When Yamazaki and Tanaka try to force Eri back over to Matsumoto with a guilt trip, Hamada just tells them to shut up because this is Eri's decision to make, not theirs. Suga, sensing that Eri can generally go either way, gives Matsumoto a way to win Eri over by suggesting that they compete in the Breath Holding event for Eri's love. Since Matsumoto has experience in it, he probably figured he'd have the advantage. Both men agree, but just to get a grip on the magnitude of the situation, Matsumoto asks how far the two have gone in their scandal. Refusing to give up that information, everyone assumes that Oonuma's managed to hit a "home run" and score. However, Endou tries to pry the info out with "If you did it, you should just be a man about it and say so."

irony - (n.) When a man who would later get kicked to the curb for his wandering eye and general refusal to admit the details to his wife, tells another man that he should just admit it when he's having sexual encounters with someone he shouldn't be.

Now that both competitors are ready for battle we move on to the competition itself. Eri takes over as host of the segment, and has me laughing at her mannerisms. The arm flailing when she tells "Hiro-kun" to "STAAAAA~TO" just cracks me up. However, something unfortunate happens, and Oonuma is no longer to compete, and has to be pulled out of the water. Eri, finding that she truly loves Oonuma, performs mouth-to-mouth on her true love.



We then cut to a montage of how Eri and Akihiro's love for each other blossomed, accompanied by "Itoshi no ELLIE" by the Southern All-Stars. The song is a pretty special song in Japan because it was later covered by the great Ray Charles. It's praised as one of the few songs from Japan, along with the likes of "Sukiyaki" by Kyu Sakamoto and "Shima Uta" by The Boom, to get worldwide recognition in more than the niche "Otaku" market. This song helped set off a boom of Japanese naming that with names that were both common to Japanese and other languages, usually English or Chinese. Names like Eri (Ellie), Erika, Dan, Jun, and Reina which were also names in languages like English, Chinese and French, gave parents that "Hey, my child's name is now acceptable worldwide!" feeling.

Anyway, by the end of the montage, the audience as well as Matsumoto realize that there's no way for Hitoshi to win back Eri's heart. Endou and Hamada try the usual "You can do better" and "Those two nuts belong together" bits, but Hitoshi's little heart is still broken.

This episode hadn't yet been put in my big chart of Gaki episode summaries and rankings. If I had to choose, I'd give it 4 stars on my wonky rating system. It's not the greatest episode, but some parts are non-intentionally pretty funny, like Oonuma's Rapist Face when he meets Eri during the montage. I'd say it's only slightly less funny than the first episode, which I'd have to find and dig out of the pile of episodes. Unfortunately, there are some videos on my hard drive that aren't named correctly to let my find them quickly, so I'd have to wade through most of them to find it. So, I probably won't be putting that up anytime soon, sadly.

As a general conversation sparker, have any of you out there ever been "the other man/woman"? In middle school, I was, in a way. While the relationship between myself and this girl was strictly platonic in my eyes (partners for a school project. Nothing more.), she viewed it as more, and essentially left her boyfriend for me. After being confronted by her huge, jock boyfriend, the girl and I had a little talk about what the word "platonic" means. She generally lost all feelings for me after that, but I don't think the two of them ever got back together. Oh well.
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The general request post and schedule!

(Updated 1/15/2010)

Hello, you readers out there!

I've had a hard time coming up with specific episodes to review, so I thought I would open up a general　request　thread. Go ahead and leave a comment if you think if something you want reviewed and chronicled here.

NOTE: Due to their length and availability with subtitles, I'm not going to subtitle the longer Batsu episodes. Thanks in advance.


List of upcoming reviews after the jump...



As I don't have much free time, and am trying to avoid burnout on Gaki, I'm generally subbing anything that I feel like for a while, instead of my "set schedule" approach. There are some likely candidates but feel free to suggest others:

- Tanaka's 500 Item Quiz
- Tanaka's Shichihenge
- Absolutely Tasty: Pizza
- Matsumoto's Challenge: Fire Limbo
- Which Shouhei is the Victim?
- Itao's Mobile Salestruck
- Katsu-Curry Limit Check (Genkai)
- Yama-quest 1
- Shouji Murakami's Ninja School
- Aya Yamazaki's 500 Item Quiz



I'll try to keep updating this page, so you can come here and see what's going to be on the menu! Happy reading!
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Happy Birthday, Blog!

Wow, it's been a whole year already and despite some long unannounced breaks on my part due to family emergencies and school (Sorry about that. I'm a college student, who is also working to try and pay his tuition. I have very little time anymore.) this blog has been more successful than I could have ever imagined. Since I started this blog a year ago, to December 15, I've gotten over 12,000 visits. That's about 11,990 more than I ever planned on getting. Ha.

This site may be a uniting factor for Gaki fans all over the globe. We've seen visitors from every corner of the world (except for Antartica) and over 85 countries big and small, including (but not limited to):

• USA
• Japan
• Dominican Republic
• Panama
• Canada
• Iceland
• Egypt
• South Africa
• Spain
• Poland
• Ukraine
• China
• Finland
• Thailand
• Australia
• The Phillipines
• Bosnia and Herzegovinia
• And MANY more!

If there was any kind of statement that could show the shows producer's how much potential for global dominance lies withing Gaki No Tsukai, the map I'm looking at now would be a great one. Thanks you all for coming and reading/watching/whatever it is you do here.

Looking back at the year, I finally took the time to look through Google Analytics and the keyword information that they provide for the traffic to this blog. Let's just say some of the results were... interesting, to say the least. Let's review them, shall we?


*returns wearing a nice tuxedo, and stands behind a podium*
Life itself is full of riddles. One of the many riddles that has been asked since near the emergence of man on the Earth is "OMGWTF was he/she thinking?!" (Note that this is probably not the exact phrasing, but you get the idea.) One of the places where this question has been asked is the Black Gaki keyword list... and so, nominees for OMGWTF Keyword of the Year are...


THE OMGWTF KEYWORDS OF THE YEAR:

• "Moriman"/"Super Moriman" - At first, this didn't seem like an OMGWTF keyword, until I noticed that it was getting so popular. If you were like me, you knew Moriman to be the chubby female entertainer known for putting a hurting on Yamazaki during their sparring matches. However, the phenomenon known as "moriman" is also a fetish of sexual sorts. I'll leave you to do the Google assuming you're of proper age to be looking at those types of things. If you're not, then Moriman is a name of a candy, don't look it up, just take my word for it.



• "Matsumoto Bondage" - Damn, son. I knew people liked Matsumoto, but... damn. Are we having sexual fantasies about him too? Okay, I guess there's a company with that name (More porn. Don't look, kiddies.) but I wonder how far down the list I have to be to get show up on that search. Okay... I did the Google (yes, I "do the Google") and I am at the bottom of the first page due to my repeated references to Matsumoto, who won the earlier poll to become Black Gaki readers' favorite member and the BBB that I posted entitled "Bondage Angels". So I guess that makes some sense. Hopefully, I'll give the lonely something better to do with their hands than what they were planning on doing. <_<
  
  
• "Stethoscope Down Her Shirt" - More porn keywords. Sheesh. Soon I'm bound to be listed as an adult site. However, I instantly recognized that this linked to my site because of Tetsuo's Shichihenge, where he plays a perverted doctor who harasses a patient. Well, is it harassment? She just sits there and takes it, plus you can see a little smirk on her face. Just remember people... no matter what people say, the internet is not for porn. Okay, not ONLY porn. There's other things.



• "What Number Repeats Constantly in Episode 4 of Gaki No Tsukai?" - ... What? Was there some sort of scavenger hunt or something? I have the first few episodes of Gaki No Tsukai. I think I've only watched the first one. If I had my hard drive with me for the holiday, I'd look it up and post the answer. It's probably one of those numbers that also has an alternate meaning like 4 ("Shi", also meaning "Death") or something along those lines. Should I remember, I shall update you.



• "Does Anyone Find Yamazaki Housei Funny?" - Okay, this isn't really a OMGWTF keywords, but I would like to take this time to say that half of the things that I say that I wish would happen to Yamazaki are exaggeration. This explanation is not aimed at those who would say "Maybe you should go easier on Yamazaki", but at those who have little Yamazaki fangirl fits and go "YOUMUSTLOVEYAMACHANNOW! *rage*", and the sort. I will admit that I do find him slightly funny, but not as a comedian. It's kind of how I feel about Paris Hilton. She's beautiful, yes. She could definitely work as a model, and probably would be quite good at it. Does that qualify her to be a celebrity? No.



• "Ass of Grannies" - ... *facepalm*



• "Gaki No Tsukai Gay Fanfiction"/"Cocorico Slash Fanfiction"/"Downtown Gay Fanfiction" - ... *keeps face in palm* Damn you, Rule 34. Really?! REALLY?! I mean, come on! I do remember mentioning things about fanfiction in an earlier post when Endou and Hamada were getting all snuggly and close and such, but I didn't think that someone would actually input some keyword that would lead here. *sigh*



• "How to Get A Producer In Hollywood to Notice You" - Answer: Boobs. You're welcome, whoever wanted to know. This is obviously something that linked to Endou's (fake) Hollywood Audition, so there's little surprise about what it linked to.



• "Skinny Weak Males in Bondage" - I sense a theme in the WTF keywords here. I probably should re-title that BBB to something that won't attract the fwappers. From the looks of them, I wouldn't really label any of the Gaki members as weak, but Tanaka is pretty skinny and if I had to choose one member, I'd say he's probably the weakest as much as it pains me to admit that Tanaka might be the worst at something. Okay, we all know he's the worst at eating Nattou.
  

With that the nominees are lined up, and it's time to present the award. And the winner of the first-ever Black Gaki OMGWTF Keyword of the Year goes to...



*drum roll*




...





...





"Ass of Grannies"!!!

I mean, seriously, what in the world possesses you to look that up? I tried to Google it and then find how far back my page is. I got at least 5 pages in and not the slightest glint of my blog in there. How far back did they go in the search? I mean, was 5 pages worth of geriatric tail not enough to satisfy you so you lurked into the quagmire that is page 15 or something? If you have some sort of thing for extremely saggy things or people who you can share intimate moments with that will only forget you moments later, then I guess that's one thing, but needing more than 5 pages of it is ridiculous. Really, it is. If you come back Mr. or Ms. Ass of Grannies, please, get some help.

That's all I've got for this update. I would like to take this opportunity to give a big, huge, enormous, gigantic, mammoth "Thank you" to all of my blog's followers, readers, browsers, skimmers, and horny people who wind up here from their Google searches for porn.

With much love for your holidays, and a happy New Year!
~David

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The Great Debate!

Okay, I guess it's not a debate. It's more of a "stream of thought" type of thing where I just gab on for a long time. If you're looking for a video or something, just turn on back now. No one will blame you. I even made a new tag called "David's Whining" just for this post. There's the "Back" button... You've still got time.

For a while, I've been thinking about how this whole blog is going to turn out. There's two different ways that this can go. This post will probably be my ever-growing rant about the life of an overwhelmed subtitler.


I've been trying to upload whole episodes, and that worked fine during the summer and while I was on internships, when I didn't have school to be worried about almost constantly. But as many of you have seen by my long absences, I have little to no time. I have been thinking about this lately and it brings up an interesting points on many levels. When I started subtitling videos, I didn't intend to become some sort of Subtitled-Gaki-Download-Central; I'll leave that to DTFS or any other "professional" fansubbers. I didn't have the energy or will to keep up with download links and constantly making sure that subtitle files were uploaded and dealing with the different questions and tasks that would certainly arise. What I intended to do was to create a catalog of all the Gaki Episodes and quick summaries of all of them, with maybe a few pictures scattered about. What came of that idea is a pretty lame, but gets the job done as seen here. However, as I said above, that's pretty lame, and wouldn't be of any interest to anyone except maybe people who want clues to find that one episode that they really want to download or something. What makes it worse is that someone will undoubtedly then come up and go "UPLOAD PLZ" or something to that affect, only to be turned away thus feeling that my blog is that much crappier. So, what is better: a complete yet completely boring blog, or a blog that will only be updated once every blue moon (and if you think the updating is sporadic now, I can't think of what it's going to look like in the future) with something that may be fun for a few hours or so? I'm still very undecided on the issue.

As for videos nowadays, there's little safe haven. The BooTube has been, doing their little copyright window thing and I have earned 2 strikes against my account. Luckily, my uploading has pretty much ground to a halt, so there's little risk of new strikes any time soon. Veoh and even Viddler have gone on a mad file-removing/account-deleting spree lately. I looked at Veoh for uploading, but I don't believe they support just using a subtitle file over the video like YouTube does, do they? I didn't see any opton for it. I like looking at my own videos, but don't like subtitles on them, so YouTube's subtitling feature really appeals to me. Some of you might be thinking "Well, you have the raw file, just watch that and gimme some subbed Gaki, you jerk," to which I say " :( You're mean." If I do it that way, I would need to keep the raw file for me, the subtitle text file, and the subtitled video file for you. The current way, I just need the first two. Yet another example of my expense vs. your pleasure.

Enough whining from me, for now. Anything else, I should be thinking about? Input? Opinions? Questions? Internet hugs?
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[Update] Doctor, Doctor!

Goodday all.

I've spent the last week or so trying to get something completed. Namely the "Waraimeshi's Hero Show" episode. However while trying to translate it, I found myself just not being able to get through it. This is probably due to the amount of times I had to watch it while I was struggling through my software setup. I'm pretty sure I wound up watching the episode 10-15 times while trying to get both video, audio and the subtitles to work right. I wound up getting maybe 15-20% of the way into it before I just couldn't go on anymore. (Yes, that's only about 5 minutes) I just couldn't even watch it again. Maybe it just really isn't as epic as I thought I was when I put it on the forecast.

So I put on my imaginary doctor's outfit and tried to figure out why I can't get through it. The diagnosis: a minor case of Gaki Burnout! *Dun dun DUNNN!*

Okay, it's not just Gaki Burnout. It's life burnout.

{Beginning of long, boring story/excuse, which you can hit the "Read More!" button if you want to read}

This entire Spring and Summer, I'd been working an internship with a company, and near the end was told that I'd have to train an international team over in India as one of the projects I was working on was moved over there for maintenance. So, I'd been scrambling frantically, trying to create lesson plans and make sure that I explain everything clearly in the 2 hours a day where we can hold teleconferences together with them. So that's been quite the time-consumer and mind-wracker.

Some of you may remember that I mentioned a Japanese exchange student moving in down the hall from me. Well, at the end of Summer, they had to move everyone into different buildings for the new year so they can let new incoming students have spots in the dorms. Well, the exchange student wasn't assigned a new housing assignment. So they started sending him a long chain of correspondence containing an absurd amount words that were too long for him to understand when they just could have said "Go to building A on date B and talk to C." Not understanding what the letters said, he came over to my room, handed me the letter and said "Does this mean I will be homeless?" My person-in-need sensors, which I have a hard time ignoring, went off and I offered to help him sort out whether he would be without place of residence. Luckily it didn't, but it said that he had to go talk to all sorts of staff and faculty and take papers around to each one. So, I had to accompany him to quite a few of these meetings with faculty to serve as a horrible translator. (When I started learning Japanese, I thought that one day I might want to be a translator. At the moment, this experience has convinced me that I probably don't.)

After all that he was placed in a university-owned building off-campus about 4 miles away, much to his disliking as he would have rather stayed on-campus and doesn't have a car. However, luckily for him, I got assigned to the same building, so we spent Saturday packing, and Sunday renting a moving van to get to where we needed to go. Then I spent Monday on a flights back to my hometown for two weeks before classes start again, and then spent Tuesday unpacking and adjusting to jet-lag.

On the plane ride and downtime at the airport, I skipped ahead to the next video on the list "Matsumoto and Eri, II". I actually managed to start subbing it and am already nearly halfway through it. It looks like my Gaki Burnout was caused a lot by stress of just having to get through that lame episode.

{end of long, boring story/excuse}

So, due to some upcoming free time, I'm going to sub videos that come "naturally" to me instead of forcing through the ones that I no longer care for. I will probably also get around to putting up the manzai talk segments that I always say I'm going to put up but never have. You know, my usual "I'm going to wait until I put up the talk before I rate the episode" or my "I'll put up the talk portion soon" crap. Yeah, I'll get those up when I can.

However due to limited, slow, internet access where I'm at, these postings probably won't be on the "Wednesday-Sunday" schedule that I try to achieve. They'll probably go up whenever I get the time to hop over to the local coffee shop and bum off of their wireless for a while. Here's hoping I can shake off this case of GB! This is either going to help it or just make it worse. Anyways, thanks for reading and see you soon!

~David Read more!

Poll Results and Update!

Your votes have been cast, and we've found a winner for your favorite recurring episode theme! (Well, kinda. Not all the recurring themes were listed, and I'm pretty sure the real fan favorite would be the big New Year Batsu games.)

The results were surprising, to me at least, and I'll talk more about them after the jump, but first I'll talk about the updates! Whoo! Updating!

• Posted this week's BBB, Bondage Angels, and last Sunday's episode that I forgot to post up, Kiki Nattou. Sorry about the neglect. Poor blog. *pets blogs softly to assuage the deep emotional scars*


• Fixed my "Heya to Y-shatsu to Watashi" translation in my Everyone has a Song!" post to be more. . . um. . . translated. "Y-shirts" isn't actually a real word. It's more of a slang term or abbreviation for "white shirts". The "whi" part of "white" sounds like the letter "Y". So, I've changed that part of the translation, since that may not be common knowledge. Yeah.


• Answered some neglected comments and did some clean up on the General Request Post.


• Cleaned up the "Labels" section of the blog by removing labels for individual Gottsu Ee Kanji players. At least for now. I may add them back once they get some more substantial articles about them written here.


• Fixed the subtitles and review for Ice Coffee Limit Check YET AGAIN to correct a misspelling of Vivian Hsu's name. It's correctly romanized as "Hsu", and not "Su" like I had it.


• Got off my butt once again to actually create a review for the Ittsuji Shopping! episode.

Without further adieu, Ill get down to the result of the poll and my general reaction.

So over 200 people voted, and the results are in!

Your favorite recurring episode theme is: The Absolutely Tasty Series!

Here's a full list of the results and their vote count:

1.) Absolutely Tasty Series - 105 votes (47%)
2.) Matusmoto's Challenge - 83 votes (37%)
3.) Matsumoto Team vs Hamada Team - 67 votes (30%)
4.) Kiki series - 65 votes (29%)
5.) Shichihenge - 59 votes (26%)
6.) Cosplay Bus Tours - 47 votes (21%)
7.) Heipo's Dates - 38 votes (17%)
8.) Gaki Team vs Tennensouzai Team - 36 votes (16%)
9.) Genkai Series - 35 votes (15%)
10.) Itao's interruptions - 34 votes (14%)
11.) Goodbye, Yamazaki! series - 29 votes (13%)
12.) Regular Cast Member Auditions - 25 votes (11%)
13.) Yamazaki Vs. Moriman series - 21 votes (9%)
14.) Suga's Nostalgia series - 19 votes (8%)
15.) High Tension Series - 18 votes (8%)
16.) Yamaquest - 11 votes (5%)
17.) Member Chases - 7 votes (3%)
17.) Fishing Competitions - 7 votes (3%)
19.) Celebrity Baseball - 6 votes (2%)
20.) Picadilly Umeda series - 4 votes (1%)

I was fairly surprised at some of the results, but for the most part, I think there's not a lot to be shocked at here. The five I thought would make up the top five were the "Matsumoto Team vs Hamada Team", "Gaki Team vs Tennensouzai Team", "Shichihenge", "Yamazaki Vs. Moriman series" and the "Kiki series", since they are what brought Gaki to widespread internet fame. I was right on three of them, and ones I was wrong about weren't too bad.

Another bright spot, was the relatively low ranking of Yamaquest. At least I know that you guys don't see the something pertaining to Yamazaki and jump all over it. Although, I will admit that I do like these episodes. Although they are branded with Yamazaki's name, there's very little Yamazaki in them. "Try new Diet Gaki No Tsukai - Now with less Yama-chan!"

As far as surprises go, the biggest for me was the difference between the "Matsumoto Team vs Hamada Team" and "Gaki Team vs Tennensouzai Team" episodes in the poll. I mean, they are practically the same thing. They both use the same 10 people and they do pretty much similar evernts each time. The only real difference between the two is the arrangement of teams. I don't see what would be so different to make around 31 people vote for one but not the other.

Another mild surpise was. . . the winner. The Absolutely Tasty series? Really? I'm sure it belonged in the top half somewhere, but first place? What is it about it that makes it so good? I know it is pretty funny, I agree with that wholeheartedly. Watching them make foods that they know no one will ever want to eat and then having to choke it down themselves is hilarious. But I'd think things like "Yamazaki vs Moriman" or the "Cosplay Bus Tours" would be above it on the list. Is it because it's fairly easy to understand without subtitling?

As for the one in last place, Picadilly Umeda's shows, I would have thought it would have been above the absolutely boring episodes like the fishing and baseball episodes. Is it because you haven't seen an episode of it yet? Picadilly's really cool despite being really creepy when he takes his dentures out. He just walks up to ladies and starts fondling them. I think I've got an episode of Picadilly coming up on the list. I'd be interested in hearing your feelings and reactions after the episode goes up.

Overall, I might use this when preparing my episode plans. I wonder if some of these results are because of lack of exposure to some types of episodes. I might do this again later once I've had some of all of these episodes up. Other than that, if you'd like to enlighten me on your reasoning behind your choices, feel free. Thanks for participating in the poll and thanks for reading.
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Kiki Nattou!

Well, it's time for another BB-- Wait. . . this is a whole episode.

Ah, right. This is the episode I'd planned on putting up on Sunday, but was still getting used all the buttons and stuff on my new video editing and subtitling programs. Okay, I won't call them my "new" ones, since I'm so not impressed that I'm undoubtedly going back to my previous methods due to sheer ease.

Anyways, this episode is Gaki's 23rd entry in the Kiki series. This time's subject of taste-testing is nattou. For those of you who know what the Kiki series is all about, just skip ahead to the videos. For those that don't know, the Kiki series is a long running series on Gaki No Tsukai, where each member is assigned a brand of product, chosen by the other 4 members. They then have to try that brand blindfolded, and then go through the table full of various brands and try to find their mystery brand. You can only choose one at a time, and if you think it's not the one, you throw it in the trash. If you think it's right, you come to the center stage and say that you think you've found it! If you get say the wrong brand is correct, or you throw away the correct brand, you get a penalty. Penalties on Gaki No Tsukai will almost always involve pain. Today it's in the scrotal area.



We open up the episode with the usual introduction of the rules of Kiki, and the introduction of the topic. Today, it's nattou. Nattou is definitely an odd-looking food. It's fermented soybeans, so they start to make a little juice and it gets all sticky and stringy. Tanaka doesn't eat nattou much and doesn't care for it, so he's at a huge disadvantage. Which is exactly why they make him go first. Poor Tanaka.

And let me take this time to say: "DAAA~MN, son! That punisment is messed up!"

Next is Yamazaki, who does the usual "I know what I'm doing" act, and generally overdoes all the lame jokes that aren't getting laughs. If anyone out there doesn't understand why I don't like Yamazaki, please take a look at this episode. He was the reason I had trouble dividing the episode. I couldn't find a good place to cut the video, because he's constantly being lame and/or screaming. So yes, this section ends in a fairly odd place. Blame Yamazaki for that.



Then we pick up right were we left off. Yamazaki is confused. I want to kill him, and speed up translation. You guys have no idea how hard it was for me to get through his section because he's just that lame. The only part I care about is him getting hit in the nuts. Hopefully he will never contribute to the gene pool ever again.

Next up is Hamada. Hamada does a Tanaka and gets out on the first brand. After that is Endou's turn. I really feel sorry for Endou, being in the social position that he is. His role in his comedy duo is the tsukkomi, who pretty much puts down stupid people in his presence. However as far as Gaki No Tsukai goes, he's one of the youngest and least experienced in the industry, so he has to be polite with everyone, except Tanaka. You can see that he REALLY wanted to sling some insults during this episode, but had to hold himself back due to social order. Poor Endou.

Anyway, he finds out that the one that he's been assigned is not one that he normally eats so he goes by process of elimination. Can I take a moment to say that his hair looks good and bad at the same time? Anyone else feel that way? Those little feathered parts in the back make it look like he's got a mini-mullet that hasn't grown into a big-boy mullet yet. Anyways, enough of the follicle-check. After he's done, we're on to Matsumoto's attempt.



Matsumoto does bring the funny this entire episode, getting a good crack in at pretty much everybody and making funny observations ("We don't know what you're imagining", "you slow mudtortoise", "You think a girl likes it when you fondle her? Well you're wrong.", and "This explains the drop in birth rates") so it's nice to see him in the hotseat at times like these. And boy, does Matsumoto put on a show taking it down to the last two brands. Will Matsumoto be the only one to get his badge for the Kiki Nattou?! *cliffhanger and suspenseful music*

As usual for the Kiki episode, there's lots of suspense and lots of good points. However, there were a lot of bad parts (read as "Yamazaki's there"). I'd give this one a 6. It should probably only get a 5 but Matsumoto REALLY saves this episode with his wit. Tanaka was reeling too bad from getting knocked out on the first brand, Yamazaki's just annoying, I couldn't take my eyes off of Endou's magically disappearing and reappearing mullet, and Hamada didn't really seem to be on his A-game. Congrats Matsumoto. We'll credit you with a "save" on this one. Of course points and stats don't really matter.
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The Bondage Angels!

Ah, espionage. What a beautiful word.

Ever since there's been great amounts of mistrust between countries, there's been spies. The most ever since there's been Hollywood to exploit concepts, there's been the "Secret Agent". And since Hollywood found out the T&A sell, we've had vixens in skimpy outfits running around on our movies screens.

This week's BBB is from the Dream Match that happens pretty much every year. It's a competition/special where the hottest comedy groups switch and work with different people. It's kinda similar to the All-Star basketball game, for people here in the States. You get to see all the big stars all playing on the same court, some working together, some against each other.

In this episode of the Dream Match, the comedy groups were broken into Boke and Tsukkomi teams. The all-female group, Harisenbon (which means "puffer fish"/"porcupine fish"/"balloon fish"/"whatever-the-hell-you-call-it-in-your-area fish"), doesn't have strongly designated Boke or Tsukkomi, so they were placed as a group on the Tsukkomi team. Most times it is Haruna, the chubby one, playing the role of tsukkomi and Haruka, the skinny one, as the boke. This mean that whoever was selected to team with them would be part of the Dream Match's first ever trio. Teams for that year were formed "Feeling Couple" style, meaning that everybody chose one person from the other team that they wanted to work with, and if they felt the same way back, you're a new team. Harisenbon and Ryou Tamura coupled up pretty quickly to bring you this BBB!





I was kinda sad that they didn't win that year's competition. Most of the other acts were pretty "meh...". But in things like this, if you don't really put on a much better performance than the veteran performers, they give the prize to them.

You guys may remember Harisenbon for their role as the two hospital patrons in the Hospital Batsu game. Haruka, the skinny one, and Haruna, the chubby one, play all sorts of games with the Gaki Nurses since they decided to enter their room as they pleased.


I must say, that I loves me some Harisenbon. They are just so awkward looking that you know they are funny beyond all belief. If Japanese students are anywhere as mean as they can be here, you need a good sense of humor to come out with your head held high sometimes. The photo below shows pretty much why I love them so much. Despite their little gut and their crooked teeth, Harisenbon isn't afraid to get out there and show themselves off. Haruna, the chubby one, even proudly proclaims that she's a virgin because she's just too fat to get laid. I mean she's not THAT bad-looking. *shrug* It's okay. She's only 26. Maybe she's waiting. I dunno, but I'd hit either one of those two. *pushes male instincts back under the bed* Ahem, sorry about that.


It's come to my attention recently that Haruka, the member of Harisenbon on the right, had been diagnosed with tuberculosis in April. She was forced into the hospital where she was supposed to stay for two months. I haven't heard anything about them after that. Here's hoping they are both okay, since it can spread with repeated, close contact which I assume they have being comedy partners and all.


Haruna, you should know better than to take a picture of you about to eat ice cream. c.c
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