Happy Birthday, Blog!

Wow, it's been a whole year already and despite some long unannounced breaks on my part due to family emergencies and school (Sorry about that. I'm a college student, who is also working to try and pay his tuition. I have very little time anymore.) this blog has been more successful than I could have ever imagined. Since I started this blog a year ago, to December 15, I've gotten over 12,000 visits. That's about 11,990 more than I ever planned on getting. Ha.

This site may be a uniting factor for Gaki fans all over the globe. We've seen visitors from every corner of the world (except for Antartica) and over 85 countries big and small, including (but not limited to):

• USA
• Japan
• Dominican Republic
• Panama
• Canada
• Iceland
• Egypt
• South Africa
• Spain
• Poland
• Ukraine
• China
• Finland
• Thailand
• Australia
• The Phillipines
• Bosnia and Herzegovinia
• And MANY more!

If there was any kind of statement that could show the shows producer's how much potential for global dominance lies withing Gaki No Tsukai, the map I'm looking at now would be a great one. Thanks you all for coming and reading/watching/whatever it is you do here.

Looking back at the year, I finally took the time to look through Google Analytics and the keyword information that they provide for the traffic to this blog. Let's just say some of the results were... interesting, to say the least. Let's review them, shall we?


*returns wearing a nice tuxedo, and stands behind a podium*
Life itself is full of riddles. One of the many riddles that has been asked since near the emergence of man on the Earth is "OMGWTF was he/she thinking?!" (Note that this is probably not the exact phrasing, but you get the idea.) One of the places where this question has been asked is the Black Gaki keyword list... and so, nominees for OMGWTF Keyword of the Year are...


THE OMGWTF KEYWORDS OF THE YEAR:

• "Moriman"/"Super Moriman" - At first, this didn't seem like an OMGWTF keyword, until I noticed that it was getting so popular. If you were like me, you knew Moriman to be the chubby female entertainer known for putting a hurting on Yamazaki during their sparring matches. However, the phenomenon known as "moriman" is also a fetish of sexual sorts. I'll leave you to do the Google assuming you're of proper age to be looking at those types of things. If you're not, then Moriman is a name of a candy, don't look it up, just take my word for it.



• "Matsumoto Bondage" - Damn, son. I knew people liked Matsumoto, but... damn. Are we having sexual fantasies about him too? Okay, I guess there's a company with that name (More porn. Don't look, kiddies.) but I wonder how far down the list I have to be to get show up on that search. Okay... I did the Google (yes, I "do the Google") and I am at the bottom of the first page due to my repeated references to Matsumoto, who won the earlier poll to become Black Gaki readers' favorite member and the BBB that I posted entitled "Bondage Angels". So I guess that makes some sense. Hopefully, I'll give the lonely something better to do with their hands than what they were planning on doing. <_<
  
  
• "Stethoscope Down Her Shirt" - More porn keywords. Sheesh. Soon I'm bound to be listed as an adult site. However, I instantly recognized that this linked to my site because of Tetsuo's Shichihenge, where he plays a perverted doctor who harasses a patient. Well, is it harassment? She just sits there and takes it, plus you can see a little smirk on her face. Just remember people... no matter what people say, the internet is not for porn. Okay, not ONLY porn. There's other things.



• "What Number Repeats Constantly in Episode 4 of Gaki No Tsukai?" - ... What? Was there some sort of scavenger hunt or something? I have the first few episodes of Gaki No Tsukai. I think I've only watched the first one. If I had my hard drive with me for the holiday, I'd look it up and post the answer. It's probably one of those numbers that also has an alternate meaning like 4 ("Shi", also meaning "Death") or something along those lines. Should I remember, I shall update you.



• "Does Anyone Find Yamazaki Housei Funny?" - Okay, this isn't really a OMGWTF keywords, but I would like to take this time to say that half of the things that I say that I wish would happen to Yamazaki are exaggeration. This explanation is not aimed at those who would say "Maybe you should go easier on Yamazaki", but at those who have little Yamazaki fangirl fits and go "YOUMUSTLOVEYAMACHANNOW! *rage*", and the sort. I will admit that I do find him slightly funny, but not as a comedian. It's kind of how I feel about Paris Hilton. She's beautiful, yes. She could definitely work as a model, and probably would be quite good at it. Does that qualify her to be a celebrity? No.



• "Ass of Grannies" - ... *facepalm*



• "Gaki No Tsukai Gay Fanfiction"/"Cocorico Slash Fanfiction"/"Downtown Gay Fanfiction" - ... *keeps face in palm* Damn you, Rule 34. Really?! REALLY?! I mean, come on! I do remember mentioning things about fanfiction in an earlier post when Endou and Hamada were getting all snuggly and close and such, but I didn't think that someone would actually input some keyword that would lead here. *sigh*



• "How to Get A Producer In Hollywood to Notice You" - Answer: Boobs. You're welcome, whoever wanted to know. This is obviously something that linked to Endou's (fake) Hollywood Audition, so there's little surprise about what it linked to.



• "Skinny Weak Males in Bondage" - I sense a theme in the WTF keywords here. I probably should re-title that BBB to something that won't attract the fwappers. From the looks of them, I wouldn't really label any of the Gaki members as weak, but Tanaka is pretty skinny and if I had to choose one member, I'd say he's probably the weakest as much as it pains me to admit that Tanaka might be the worst at something. Okay, we all know he's the worst at eating Nattou.
  

With that the nominees are lined up, and it's time to present the award. And the winner of the first-ever Black Gaki OMGWTF Keyword of the Year goes to...



*drum roll*




...





...





"Ass of Grannies"!!!

I mean, seriously, what in the world possesses you to look that up? I tried to Google it and then find how far back my page is. I got at least 5 pages in and not the slightest glint of my blog in there. How far back did they go in the search? I mean, was 5 pages worth of geriatric tail not enough to satisfy you so you lurked into the quagmire that is page 15 or something? If you have some sort of thing for extremely saggy things or people who you can share intimate moments with that will only forget you moments later, then I guess that's one thing, but needing more than 5 pages of it is ridiculous. Really, it is. If you come back Mr. or Ms. Ass of Grannies, please, get some help.

That's all I've got for this update. I would like to take this opportunity to give a big, huge, enormous, gigantic, mammoth "Thank you" to all of my blog's followers, readers, browsers, skimmers, and horny people who wind up here from their Google searches for porn.

With much love for your holidays, and a happy New Year!
~David

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The Great Debate!

Okay, I guess it's not a debate. It's more of a "stream of thought" type of thing where I just gab on for a long time. If you're looking for a video or something, just turn on back now. No one will blame you. I even made a new tag called "David's Whining" just for this post. There's the "Back" button... You've still got time.

For a while, I've been thinking about how this whole blog is going to turn out. There's two different ways that this can go. This post will probably be my ever-growing rant about the life of an overwhelmed subtitler.


I've been trying to upload whole episodes, and that worked fine during the summer and while I was on internships, when I didn't have school to be worried about almost constantly. But as many of you have seen by my long absences, I have little to no time. I have been thinking about this lately and it brings up an interesting points on many levels. When I started subtitling videos, I didn't intend to become some sort of Subtitled-Gaki-Download-Central; I'll leave that to DTFS or any other "professional" fansubbers. I didn't have the energy or will to keep up with download links and constantly making sure that subtitle files were uploaded and dealing with the different questions and tasks that would certainly arise. What I intended to do was to create a catalog of all the Gaki Episodes and quick summaries of all of them, with maybe a few pictures scattered about. What came of that idea is a pretty lame, but gets the job done as seen here. However, as I said above, that's pretty lame, and wouldn't be of any interest to anyone except maybe people who want clues to find that one episode that they really want to download or something. What makes it worse is that someone will undoubtedly then come up and go "UPLOAD PLZ" or something to that affect, only to be turned away thus feeling that my blog is that much crappier. So, what is better: a complete yet completely boring blog, or a blog that will only be updated once every blue moon (and if you think the updating is sporadic now, I can't think of what it's going to look like in the future) with something that may be fun for a few hours or so? I'm still very undecided on the issue.

As for videos nowadays, there's little safe haven. The BooTube has been, doing their little copyright window thing and I have earned 2 strikes against my account. Luckily, my uploading has pretty much ground to a halt, so there's little risk of new strikes any time soon. Veoh and even Viddler have gone on a mad file-removing/account-deleting spree lately. I looked at Veoh for uploading, but I don't believe they support just using a subtitle file over the video like YouTube does, do they? I didn't see any opton for it. I like looking at my own videos, but don't like subtitles on them, so YouTube's subtitling feature really appeals to me. Some of you might be thinking "Well, you have the raw file, just watch that and gimme some subbed Gaki, you jerk," to which I say " :( You're mean." If I do it that way, I would need to keep the raw file for me, the subtitle text file, and the subtitled video file for you. The current way, I just need the first two. Yet another example of my expense vs. your pleasure.

Enough whining from me, for now. Anything else, I should be thinking about? Input? Opinions? Questions? Internet hugs?
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[Update] Doctor, Doctor!

Goodday all.

I've spent the last week or so trying to get something completed. Namely the "Waraimeshi's Hero Show" episode. However while trying to translate it, I found myself just not being able to get through it. This is probably due to the amount of times I had to watch it while I was struggling through my software setup. I'm pretty sure I wound up watching the episode 10-15 times while trying to get both video, audio and the subtitles to work right. I wound up getting maybe 15-20% of the way into it before I just couldn't go on anymore. (Yes, that's only about 5 minutes) I just couldn't even watch it again. Maybe it just really isn't as epic as I thought I was when I put it on the forecast.

So I put on my imaginary doctor's outfit and tried to figure out why I can't get through it. The diagnosis: a minor case of Gaki Burnout! *Dun dun DUNNN!*

Okay, it's not just Gaki Burnout. It's life burnout.

{Beginning of long, boring story/excuse, which you can hit the "Read More!" button if you want to read}

This entire Spring and Summer, I'd been working an internship with a company, and near the end was told that I'd have to train an international team over in India as one of the projects I was working on was moved over there for maintenance. So, I'd been scrambling frantically, trying to create lesson plans and make sure that I explain everything clearly in the 2 hours a day where we can hold teleconferences together with them. So that's been quite the time-consumer and mind-wracker.

Some of you may remember that I mentioned a Japanese exchange student moving in down the hall from me. Well, at the end of Summer, they had to move everyone into different buildings for the new year so they can let new incoming students have spots in the dorms. Well, the exchange student wasn't assigned a new housing assignment. So they started sending him a long chain of correspondence containing an absurd amount words that were too long for him to understand when they just could have said "Go to building A on date B and talk to C." Not understanding what the letters said, he came over to my room, handed me the letter and said "Does this mean I will be homeless?" My person-in-need sensors, which I have a hard time ignoring, went off and I offered to help him sort out whether he would be without place of residence. Luckily it didn't, but it said that he had to go talk to all sorts of staff and faculty and take papers around to each one. So, I had to accompany him to quite a few of these meetings with faculty to serve as a horrible translator. (When I started learning Japanese, I thought that one day I might want to be a translator. At the moment, this experience has convinced me that I probably don't.)

After all that he was placed in a university-owned building off-campus about 4 miles away, much to his disliking as he would have rather stayed on-campus and doesn't have a car. However, luckily for him, I got assigned to the same building, so we spent Saturday packing, and Sunday renting a moving van to get to where we needed to go. Then I spent Monday on a flights back to my hometown for two weeks before classes start again, and then spent Tuesday unpacking and adjusting to jet-lag.

On the plane ride and downtime at the airport, I skipped ahead to the next video on the list "Matsumoto and Eri, II". I actually managed to start subbing it and am already nearly halfway through it. It looks like my Gaki Burnout was caused a lot by stress of just having to get through that lame episode.

{end of long, boring story/excuse}

So, due to some upcoming free time, I'm going to sub videos that come "naturally" to me instead of forcing through the ones that I no longer care for. I will probably also get around to putting up the manzai talk segments that I always say I'm going to put up but never have. You know, my usual "I'm going to wait until I put up the talk before I rate the episode" or my "I'll put up the talk portion soon" crap. Yeah, I'll get those up when I can.

However due to limited, slow, internet access where I'm at, these postings probably won't be on the "Wednesday-Sunday" schedule that I try to achieve. They'll probably go up whenever I get the time to hop over to the local coffee shop and bum off of their wireless for a while. Here's hoping I can shake off this case of GB! This is either going to help it or just make it worse. Anyways, thanks for reading and see you soon!

~David Read more!

Poll Results and Update!

Your votes have been cast, and we've found a winner for your favorite recurring episode theme! (Well, kinda. Not all the recurring themes were listed, and I'm pretty sure the real fan favorite would be the big New Year Batsu games.)

The results were surprising, to me at least, and I'll talk more about them after the jump, but first I'll talk about the updates! Whoo! Updating!

• Posted this week's BBB, Bondage Angels, and last Sunday's episode that I forgot to post up, Kiki Nattou. Sorry about the neglect. Poor blog. *pets blogs softly to assuage the deep emotional scars*


• Fixed my "Heya to Y-shatsu to Watashi" translation in my Everyone has a Song!" post to be more. . . um. . . translated. "Y-shirts" isn't actually a real word. It's more of a slang term or abbreviation for "white shirts". The "whi" part of "white" sounds like the letter "Y". So, I've changed that part of the translation, since that may not be common knowledge. Yeah.


• Answered some neglected comments and did some clean up on the General Request Post.


• Cleaned up the "Labels" section of the blog by removing labels for individual Gottsu Ee Kanji players. At least for now. I may add them back once they get some more substantial articles about them written here.


• Fixed the subtitles and review for Ice Coffee Limit Check YET AGAIN to correct a misspelling of Vivian Hsu's name. It's correctly romanized as "Hsu", and not "Su" like I had it.


• Got off my butt once again to actually create a review for the Ittsuji Shopping! episode.

Without further adieu, Ill get down to the result of the poll and my general reaction.

So over 200 people voted, and the results are in!

Your favorite recurring episode theme is: The Absolutely Tasty Series!

Here's a full list of the results and their vote count:

1.) Absolutely Tasty Series - 105 votes (47%)
2.) Matusmoto's Challenge - 83 votes (37%)
3.) Matsumoto Team vs Hamada Team - 67 votes (30%)
4.) Kiki series - 65 votes (29%)
5.) Shichihenge - 59 votes (26%)
6.) Cosplay Bus Tours - 47 votes (21%)
7.) Heipo's Dates - 38 votes (17%)
8.) Gaki Team vs Tennensouzai Team - 36 votes (16%)
9.) Genkai Series - 35 votes (15%)
10.) Itao's interruptions - 34 votes (14%)
11.) Goodbye, Yamazaki! series - 29 votes (13%)
12.) Regular Cast Member Auditions - 25 votes (11%)
13.) Yamazaki Vs. Moriman series - 21 votes (9%)
14.) Suga's Nostalgia series - 19 votes (8%)
15.) High Tension Series - 18 votes (8%)
16.) Yamaquest - 11 votes (5%)
17.) Member Chases - 7 votes (3%)
17.) Fishing Competitions - 7 votes (3%)
19.) Celebrity Baseball - 6 votes (2%)
20.) Picadilly Umeda series - 4 votes (1%)

I was fairly surprised at some of the results, but for the most part, I think there's not a lot to be shocked at here. The five I thought would make up the top five were the "Matsumoto Team vs Hamada Team", "Gaki Team vs Tennensouzai Team", "Shichihenge", "Yamazaki Vs. Moriman series" and the "Kiki series", since they are what brought Gaki to widespread internet fame. I was right on three of them, and ones I was wrong about weren't too bad.

Another bright spot, was the relatively low ranking of Yamaquest. At least I know that you guys don't see the something pertaining to Yamazaki and jump all over it. Although, I will admit that I do like these episodes. Although they are branded with Yamazaki's name, there's very little Yamazaki in them. "Try new Diet Gaki No Tsukai - Now with less Yama-chan!"

As far as surprises go, the biggest for me was the difference between the "Matsumoto Team vs Hamada Team" and "Gaki Team vs Tennensouzai Team" episodes in the poll. I mean, they are practically the same thing. They both use the same 10 people and they do pretty much similar evernts each time. The only real difference between the two is the arrangement of teams. I don't see what would be so different to make around 31 people vote for one but not the other.

Another mild surpise was. . . the winner. The Absolutely Tasty series? Really? I'm sure it belonged in the top half somewhere, but first place? What is it about it that makes it so good? I know it is pretty funny, I agree with that wholeheartedly. Watching them make foods that they know no one will ever want to eat and then having to choke it down themselves is hilarious. But I'd think things like "Yamazaki vs Moriman" or the "Cosplay Bus Tours" would be above it on the list. Is it because it's fairly easy to understand without subtitling?

As for the one in last place, Picadilly Umeda's shows, I would have thought it would have been above the absolutely boring episodes like the fishing and baseball episodes. Is it because you haven't seen an episode of it yet? Picadilly's really cool despite being really creepy when he takes his dentures out. He just walks up to ladies and starts fondling them. I think I've got an episode of Picadilly coming up on the list. I'd be interested in hearing your feelings and reactions after the episode goes up.

Overall, I might use this when preparing my episode plans. I wonder if some of these results are because of lack of exposure to some types of episodes. I might do this again later once I've had some of all of these episodes up. Other than that, if you'd like to enlighten me on your reasoning behind your choices, feel free. Thanks for participating in the poll and thanks for reading.
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Kiki Nattou!

Well, it's time for another BB-- Wait. . . this is a whole episode.

Ah, right. This is the episode I'd planned on putting up on Sunday, but was still getting used all the buttons and stuff on my new video editing and subtitling programs. Okay, I won't call them my "new" ones, since I'm so not impressed that I'm undoubtedly going back to my previous methods due to sheer ease.

Anyways, this episode is Gaki's 23rd entry in the Kiki series. This time's subject of taste-testing is nattou. For those of you who know what the Kiki series is all about, just skip ahead to the videos. For those that don't know, the Kiki series is a long running series on Gaki No Tsukai, where each member is assigned a brand of product, chosen by the other 4 members. They then have to try that brand blindfolded, and then go through the table full of various brands and try to find their mystery brand. You can only choose one at a time, and if you think it's not the one, you throw it in the trash. If you think it's right, you come to the center stage and say that you think you've found it! If you get say the wrong brand is correct, or you throw away the correct brand, you get a penalty. Penalties on Gaki No Tsukai will almost always involve pain. Today it's in the scrotal area.



We open up the episode with the usual introduction of the rules of Kiki, and the introduction of the topic. Today, it's nattou. Nattou is definitely an odd-looking food. It's fermented soybeans, so they start to make a little juice and it gets all sticky and stringy. Tanaka doesn't eat nattou much and doesn't care for it, so he's at a huge disadvantage. Which is exactly why they make him go first. Poor Tanaka.

And let me take this time to say: "DAAA~MN, son! That punisment is messed up!"

Next is Yamazaki, who does the usual "I know what I'm doing" act, and generally overdoes all the lame jokes that aren't getting laughs. If anyone out there doesn't understand why I don't like Yamazaki, please take a look at this episode. He was the reason I had trouble dividing the episode. I couldn't find a good place to cut the video, because he's constantly being lame and/or screaming. So yes, this section ends in a fairly odd place. Blame Yamazaki for that.



Then we pick up right were we left off. Yamazaki is confused. I want to kill him, and speed up translation. You guys have no idea how hard it was for me to get through his section because he's just that lame. The only part I care about is him getting hit in the nuts. Hopefully he will never contribute to the gene pool ever again.

Next up is Hamada. Hamada does a Tanaka and gets out on the first brand. After that is Endou's turn. I really feel sorry for Endou, being in the social position that he is. His role in his comedy duo is the tsukkomi, who pretty much puts down stupid people in his presence. However as far as Gaki No Tsukai goes, he's one of the youngest and least experienced in the industry, so he has to be polite with everyone, except Tanaka. You can see that he REALLY wanted to sling some insults during this episode, but had to hold himself back due to social order. Poor Endou.

Anyway, he finds out that the one that he's been assigned is not one that he normally eats so he goes by process of elimination. Can I take a moment to say that his hair looks good and bad at the same time? Anyone else feel that way? Those little feathered parts in the back make it look like he's got a mini-mullet that hasn't grown into a big-boy mullet yet. Anyways, enough of the follicle-check. After he's done, we're on to Matsumoto's attempt.



Matsumoto does bring the funny this entire episode, getting a good crack in at pretty much everybody and making funny observations ("We don't know what you're imagining", "you slow mudtortoise", "You think a girl likes it when you fondle her? Well you're wrong.", and "This explains the drop in birth rates") so it's nice to see him in the hotseat at times like these. And boy, does Matsumoto put on a show taking it down to the last two brands. Will Matsumoto be the only one to get his badge for the Kiki Nattou?! *cliffhanger and suspenseful music*

As usual for the Kiki episode, there's lots of suspense and lots of good points. However, there were a lot of bad parts (read as "Yamazaki's there"). I'd give this one a 6. It should probably only get a 5 but Matsumoto REALLY saves this episode with his wit. Tanaka was reeling too bad from getting knocked out on the first brand, Yamazaki's just annoying, I couldn't take my eyes off of Endou's magically disappearing and reappearing mullet, and Hamada didn't really seem to be on his A-game. Congrats Matsumoto. We'll credit you with a "save" on this one. Of course points and stats don't really matter.
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The Bondage Angels!

Ah, espionage. What a beautiful word.

Ever since there's been great amounts of mistrust between countries, there's been spies. The most ever since there's been Hollywood to exploit concepts, there's been the "Secret Agent". And since Hollywood found out the T&A sell, we've had vixens in skimpy outfits running around on our movies screens.

This week's BBB is from the Dream Match that happens pretty much every year. It's a competition/special where the hottest comedy groups switch and work with different people. It's kinda similar to the All-Star basketball game, for people here in the States. You get to see all the big stars all playing on the same court, some working together, some against each other.

In this episode of the Dream Match, the comedy groups were broken into Boke and Tsukkomi teams. The all-female group, Harisenbon (which means "puffer fish"/"porcupine fish"/"balloon fish"/"whatever-the-hell-you-call-it-in-your-area fish"), doesn't have strongly designated Boke or Tsukkomi, so they were placed as a group on the Tsukkomi team. Most times it is Haruna, the chubby one, playing the role of tsukkomi and Haruka, the skinny one, as the boke. This mean that whoever was selected to team with them would be part of the Dream Match's first ever trio. Teams for that year were formed "Feeling Couple" style, meaning that everybody chose one person from the other team that they wanted to work with, and if they felt the same way back, you're a new team. Harisenbon and Ryou Tamura coupled up pretty quickly to bring you this BBB!





I was kinda sad that they didn't win that year's competition. Most of the other acts were pretty "meh...". But in things like this, if you don't really put on a much better performance than the veteran performers, they give the prize to them.

You guys may remember Harisenbon for their role as the two hospital patrons in the Hospital Batsu game. Haruka, the skinny one, and Haruna, the chubby one, play all sorts of games with the Gaki Nurses since they decided to enter their room as they pleased.


I must say, that I loves me some Harisenbon. They are just so awkward looking that you know they are funny beyond all belief. If Japanese students are anywhere as mean as they can be here, you need a good sense of humor to come out with your head held high sometimes. The photo below shows pretty much why I love them so much. Despite their little gut and their crooked teeth, Harisenbon isn't afraid to get out there and show themselves off. Haruna, the chubby one, even proudly proclaims that she's a virgin because she's just too fat to get laid. I mean she's not THAT bad-looking. *shrug* It's okay. She's only 26. Maybe she's waiting. I dunno, but I'd hit either one of those two. *pushes male instincts back under the bed* Ahem, sorry about that.


It's come to my attention recently that Haruka, the member of Harisenbon on the right, had been diagnosed with tuberculosis in April. She was forced into the hospital where she was supposed to stay for two months. I haven't heard anything about them after that. Here's hoping they are both okay, since it can spread with repeated, close contact which I assume they have being comedy partners and all.


Haruna, you should know better than to take a picture of you about to eat ice cream. c.c
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The Friendly Being 1 and 3

Hello, again.

It is time once again for your BBB. Yes, BBB on a Saturday. I wanted to put them up on Wednesday like usual, but YouTube was performing maintenance Wednesday and I could not upload videos. My Thursday and Friday were all booked, and I didn't have a chance to upload it then either if I wanted this little thing called "sleep". I went in to work on Friday on about an hour of sleep. I was pretty much a zombie.

So, houskeeping　as per usual.

• Cleaned up old comments on the General Request Post, and moved it up some to be more visible on the first page.
• Changed some post tags to properly spell Itao's name correctly: It's "Itsuji", not "Ittsuji". Sorry 'bout that.

Anyways, I'm just going to put the videos and let you enjoy them this week, since there shouldn't by much to talk about.




And if you haven't yet seen the second, it can be seen here.



I must say, that I love the little preview picture for this second video. XD
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Endou's Hollywood Audition!

(Original Airdate: 4/18/2004)

Okay. So I've finally managed to get another Sunday release out. *sweatwipe* I'll probably do my usual "housekeeping" on Wednesday, for the BBB. I've got big things under my sleeve. *shifty eyes*

In today's episode, we get to see what it's like to be on the end of a prank. Endou has long wanted to appear in some sort of worldwide entertainment project, but has only been able to land a few roles in some Japanese dramas and appears on many Japanese TV shows. So when a famous Hollywood producer comes to Tokyo to look for new stars for his latest film, it should come as no surprise that Endou jumps on the invitation he gets.




Endou is lead into a room and is told that a producer saw him on television and was interested in making him a star. This immediately gets Endou's attention. Apparently, he has a soft spot for flattery. He's then led into the fake audition site, where three other people are waiting. If you look carefully, you can see that the man sitting next to Shin-Onii from recent episodes and batsu games. It looks like NTV's had him on their employed list for almost 5 years, I guess.

The fake announcer reveals the fake title of the fake movie, which is "The Last Hohohoi". The Hohohoi is pretty much Endou's signature move, and when he doesn't react, the audience pretty much should have been tipped off that this whole thing was a prank on them. The fake announce then calls in the fake producer, fake translator, fake assistant, and fake cast. All of them are Gaki members wearing the stereotypical "I'm really a foreigner" noses. Notice the hot stems on Tanaka, playing the role of a half-Chinese woman:



The fake audition continues with lots of fanfare and such. They don't really have announcers are such small auditions, do they? I could understand if it was something like an open casting call, but this is a closed session. Maybe this is how they do it in Japan. *shrug*

After formal introductions, the translator tells the Hohohopefuls *dodges rotten tomatoes* about the money to be made on this production: a whopping two million dollars!

In order to prepare and get ready, the producer has an assistant pass out the necessary supplies for completing the Samurai Hohohoi's look: hair gel and white briefs. Endou happens to be wearing his own briefs and will be using those for the audition. The other three go and change.

Then Yamazaki does what he always does on Saturday nights:

• Dresses up as a woman
  
• Bends over
• Shows his panties in hopes that it will catch a man's eye
• Clean up any spilled fluids off of the floor afterwards
  

I can only assume that the role given to him for this prank comes naturally to him.

With Yamazaki's obligatory "I'm an idiot" moment out of the picture, we can start the audition and see if Endou's going to be a star. The first two old geezers try to do the Hohohoi, and get rejected. Gotta love Matsumoto's "GET OUT!" after the first one. Even though he tends to say less than others when he does speak, his English pronunciation is probably the best out of the Gaki members.

The third auditioner, The Artist Later Known as Shin-Onii, tries his hand at the hohohoi. Apparently, he didn't know what he was supposed to be saying, so he kept saying "Hahaha". That's probably why they kept him around. Unfortunately, even he was eliminated.

With only Endou left, he's sure he's got this in the bag. Between being a Hohohoi master and being in on the knowledge that the producer seemed quite taken with him, his confidence was at its peak.



In an abbreviated remix of the Hohohoi, Endou impresses the production team and comes one step closer to the two million dollars that comes with the role of the Samurai Hohohoi. The producer decides to put Endou through a few more acting challenges.

The first challenge is using a toy light gun to act out an action scene. Basically Endou just looks back and forth and pulls the trigger. Good enough for a laugh. Challenge Number Two is the timeless pillow reaction. I heard that one acting coach does something similar to this. You get something incredibly lame done to you, and you have to overcome the lameness and act like it was seriously life-threatening. Of course, you don't want to overact either.

The third challenge is another HUGE clue that this actually a prank on the audience. Everyone who knows Endou knows that his prized impression is that of the somewhat spastic comedian/producer/actor Takeshi Kitano, who is also known as Beat Takeshi. Endou does the movements quite well, but for some reason the voice just sounds off here. Perhaps the acoustics in the room? He usually does a great impression of him.

Challenge Four is getting Endou to tapdance. He has to do so on the feathers that were just spilled everywhere by the pillow reaction challenge. Hopefully those are the feathers that have that little middle hard tube part taken out. Wouldn't want anyone getting hurt for the sake of my laughter (except Yamazaki). While Endou's tapping away, Hamada, playing the part of the American Hohohoi, loses his nose for a few seconds.

Challenge Five brings us to "Brokeback Hohohoi". The American Hohohoi turns out to be gay and makes moves on Endou. It's these types of moments that inspire homely, adolescents/post-adolescents to write horrible fanfiction about how these types of situation work out later on in the dressing room. Perhaps poorly written, generally Too Much Information, slash fanfiction doesn't hit the Japanese internet anywhere as hard as it does in English-speaking countries? If so, I've decided that I'm moving. (On a sidenote, I saw some SkiFree fanfiction the other day. Yes, SkiFree. That game you used to play on the old Macs with the little Yeti that comes out from the side of the screen and chases you down the slope as you try to avoid trees. Yeah. Gay SkiFree fanfiction. The skier falls in love with the Yeti. *passes out barf bags*)

Anyways, this prank comes to a conclusion as Hamada leaves after being rejected by the Samurai Hohohoi, and comes back with a bazooka. We are treated to the campy "ZOMG IT'S A PRANK, ENDOU!" when we really know it should be a "ZOMG IT'S A PRANK, AUDIENCE!". But we get one last picture of Endou and the rest.

I'll upload the talk for this episode soon. It's pretty funny. I'll hold out for that and then rate the episode.

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[Non-Gaki Related] Everyone's Got A Song!

Everyone has at least one song that will forever be in their hearts. Whether it brings back childhood memories or it's just a song that's just incredibly catchy, when you hear the intro, your eyes just light up and your foot gets ready to tap along.

If you're with others, you might be that person that exclaims, "OH! THIS IS MY SONG RIGHT HERE!" If so, you might be my dad. He does that for practically every song that comes on the oldies R&B station. If you feel that the person or people that you are with maybe unfamiliar with the song or generally not enthusiastic enough, you can then follow up with "You don't know about this song here. This is the jam!"

I've got a song like that, but it's been more "my song" lately, for nearly no apparent reason. Nothing important, just figured it deserved a spot on my blog. (Note: after I finished the post, I noticed that it's hecka huge. So if you don't have a lot of time, but are one of those people that can't stop reading anything midway, TURN BA~CK!)

Some of my self-proclaimed "Japan-ophile" friends find out that I'm into Japanese comedy, we start playing this little game every week or so. The rules are fairly simple: They ask if I've heard the latest song by (insert popular Japanese artist here), and I say "No". Despite my love for Gaki, comedy, and Japan in general, I don't keep up with things like Japanese music, manga, anime, dramas, and things of that nature. There are very few Japanese artists that I listen to, and about 75% of the ones I do listen to have stopped making new music.

The Japanese artist that gets major playtime on my mp3 player is Eri Hiramatsu. Back in '93, I believe, Eri released a double platinum single that would become her signature song: "Heya to Y-shatsu to Watashi" (Rooms, Y shirts, and me). She wasn't a one-hit wonder or anything. She also release some other lesser hits like "Mou Waraushikanai" and "Girlfriend" as well some cover version of other songs. I listen to those some, but for me, HtYStW gets major play. Here's a recent snapshot from my iTunes library:


When you look at this keep in mind several things. I have switched computers around November/December '08, and did not export my iTunes library. I'm am sure that on my old library file, I had over 2500 plays for the song, but I believe the number when I erased that data was around 3300 plays. So add that that as well. Also take into consideration that I'm a "fidget-fingers" listener. I often rewind mid-song or will restart the song as it's fading out instead of waiting the extra 8 seconds for it to move on. ITunes only counts it as a play if the track ends completely, so I'm going to say add in about more 750 plays to that at the very least. And this is all in a span of probably less than a year.

I've also gone to great lengths to try and learn the melody, since I couldn't seem to find any sheet music for it. So after many toilsome months trying to play-by-ear, a skill that I suck at, on my violin (Oh yes, BlackGaki has musical talent... minus the talent) I have successfully managed to create my own score for the song. Well, the melody at least, since I'm fairly n00bish at my violin and can't manage chords along with the melody. It's a prized piece of my collection. \o/

As you can also see, I have not one, but THREE versions of the same song. The one with the 1000+ plays is the original version. The first one on the list is a version that has a different drum track and a lot of the . . . I don't know what instrument that is. . . the instrument that sounds like an accordion, removed. The third version of the song, along with "You Are Mine" may warrant some explanation into their importance.

A few years after the success of Heya to Y-Shatsu to Watashi, Eri got married and decided to put her solo career on hold to focus on her family. She had a daughter with her new husband somewhere around 1995/1996, and began a family. In March of 2002, Eri was diagnosed with breast cancer, and put her career on hold for medical reasons. Media seemed to swarm around her, and she pretty much withdrew from the public eye. After a few years hiatus, Eri jumped back onto the music scene incognito, writing songs for other musicians and participating in a small band called "Hi-Hats" which performed only a few times in small venues. When asked why she didn't go back to her solo career, she simply answered "I can't sing Eri Hiramatsu songs anymore". I believe Hi-Hats fell through in about Summer 2003 (fact check anyone?) and Eri took another short break from music. In 2004, Eri created the song "You Are Mine" for her husband and released as a single with a remake of her signature song. The chorus of the song translates to "You are mine\You are mine\Whether you or I should die\You are mine\You are mine\These memories will live on". Obviously what she was talking about, eh? Anyway, I bought the single. (Ya! I supported! Feels good.) "Heya to Y-Shatsu to Watashi 2004" doesn't change as far as the words go, but the whole track is re-arranged. The main track is mainly xylophones and glockenspiels, with some other instruments as well. It's a very "tropical" version of the song, probably to go with the Tropical version of "You Are Mine" that's also on the single.

I love all three and the one that I listen to usually depends on my mood, I guess. It's a song about basically wanting the simple life with her soon-to-be husband. (Note: It was revealed later, that she wrote the song to be singable from both the male and female viewpoint.) There's also a pun hidden in the wording too. The verb to polish/scrub something also means to improve. So when she's saying that she wants to be cleaning house, it also works in meaning that she wants to be a better person. I didn't know what would be the best way to express the wordplay in English, so I just told you here. I was just going to link to the music video, but I figured I might as well provide some translation too, since it gives me more excuses to listen to it several times. :P

Heya to Y-Shatsu to Watashi

お願いがあるのよ　あなたの苗字になる私
I, who will have your last name, have a few requests.

大事に思うならば　ちゃんと聞いてほしい
If there's something I think is important, I want you to listen.

飲みすぎて帰っても　３日酔いまでは許すけど
If you drink too much, I'll forgive a three-day hangover...

４日目つぶれた夜　恐れて実家に帰らないで
But the fourth wasted night, be afraid and don't come home.

部屋とYシャツと私　愛するあなたのため
Rooms, white shirts, and I. All for the sake of loving you

毎日磨いていたいから　時々服を買ってね
Because I want to be shining everyday. Like buying clothes from time to time,

愛するあなたのため　きれいでいさせて
All for the sake of loving you, in order to be beautiful.



いつわらないでいて 女の勘は鋭いもの
And don't try to lie. A woman's intuition is sharp.

あなたは嘘つくとき 右の眉が上がる
Whenever you tell a lie, your right eyebrow raises.

あなた浮気したら うちでの食事に気をつけて
If you should ever cheat on me, be careful of the food at home.

私は知恵をしぼって 毒入りスープで一緒にいこう
I'll gather up all my knowledge and we'll both die by the poisoned soup.



部屋とＹシャツと私 愛するあなたのため
Rooms, white shirts, and I. All for the sake of loving you

毎日磨いていたいから
Because I want to be shining everyday.

友達の誘うパーティー 愛するあなたのため
At your friend's party, all for the sake of loving you,

おしゃれに行かせて
I want to go in fashion.



大地をはうような あなたのいびきも歯ぎしりも
Your snoring and teeth grinding sounds like you're scraping dirt

もう暗闇に独りじゃないと 安心できて好き
But I love how you can comfort me with "You're not alone in the darkness anymore"

だけどもし寝言で 他の娘の名を呼ばぬように
If while talking in your sleep, you should call me an other girl's name

気にいった女の子は 私と同じ名前で呼んで
Call me the same name as the girl you really love.


ロマンスグレーになって
Should you get all romantic

冒険の人生 突然選びたくなったら
And suddenly choose to live the adventurous life,

最初に相談してね 私はあなたとなら どこでも大丈夫
Talk to me first, okay? As long as I'm with you, anywhere is fine.


もし私が先立てば オレも死ぬと言ってね
Should I be the first to pass away, say "I'll die, too"

私はその言葉を胸に 天国へと旅立つわ
And I'll keep those words in my heart as I travel to heaven,

あなたの右の眉 看とどけたあとで
because I checked your eyebrow afterward.

部屋とＹシャツと私 愛するあなたのため
Rooms, white shirts, and I. All for the sake of loving you

毎日磨いていたいから
Because I want to be shining everyday.

人生の記念日には 君は綺麗といって
And the days when you remember my life, say "You are beautiful."

その気でいさせて
And just leave it like that.

Pretty sad, romantic, strange, and cute at the same time, isn't it? When the song came out, Eri never performed some of the odder parts, like the whole "poisoned soup" part. The part about the cat photo in the video just kills me, though. According to the comment, it's getting a lot of other people to tear up too.

This song also came back into the spotlight in recent years for several reasons. First, in a comeback, Eri on several music nostalgia TV programs. She still looks so pretty, but I think I liked her longer hair better.

And then we get into dangerous territory in my opinion: covers. I'm one of the people that believe that if you're going to cover a song, you should be as good as, if not better than the original. It just goes along with the word "cover". If the original song is an elephant, in order to cover said elephant you will need a sheet as big as, if not bigger than the elephant. I came across a video a while ago of the group MihimaruGT 'covering' the song. I knew about MihimaruGT because I did like one of their original songs, but was then turned off by their cover of Kylie Minogue's "I Should Be So Lucky". Let's just say that when it comes to covers MihimaruGT is just throwing single sheets of toilet paper on an elephant's back. It seems like the singer forgets the words about 1:58 below, and scrambles things together that she things sounds nice. "Should you ever cheat, I want you to call my name. I'll wring your arm, and we'll die by the poison soup"? Srsly? I will admit that I do love the jazzy chords in this arrangement.

Then I find ANOTHER version of MihimaruGT with some others singing the song on their show. I really have nothing against the Mihimaru's singer's voice, and she got the words right so I'll forgive her. There was another singer who did a very nice job as well. However, they invited two "singers" who just sounded like cats on chalkboards. I'll spare you the agony.

Most recently, a singer named Reina Tanaka from a girl group that I used to care about, Morning Musume, would be covering the song. The song is being featured on a love song cover album for the big umbrella group that Morning Musume belongs to, called Hello! Project. I don't really care for the overdone drum sampling in the chorus.

I'd say it's an okay cover. She could have held some of the notes longer when it was called for. The music track sounds damn near exactly like the original version of the song mixed with some of 2004 version of the song, with a little R&B drum sampling and water droplets mixed in. You can still see the elephant's feet sticking out from under the sheet, but it's a good attempt. Good enough to make me buy the album, or make me care about Hello! Project or Morning Musume again? No, probably not. At least it didn't turn me off to the song. Good going Reina, you've come closer to my approval with a cover than most people ever will.

(UPDATE: 1/14/2010)
Well, it looks like through various circumstances, I have once again returned to this song again. I happened to be a complete idiot, spacing out on a project for a Japanese class where we had to translate a Japanese song into English, and didn't know that the project even existed until the day before it was due. Luckily, I had this translation and used it. I did translate by myself, just not for the sake of this project specifically. I hope the teacher doesn't mind. c.c

Anyway, in my searching and wanderings since I wrote this post, I've found a few more renditions worth note! Whoo!

I guess I left off with a good place using Reina Tanaka from Hello! Project to end it, because the next version is by Aya Matsuura, who is a graduate of Hello! Project. For those who don't know much about Hello! Project, saying someone "graduated" is a kind way of saying "getting kicked out for not being pedo-bait". They had a mass "graduation" for most of their founding and in my opinion, some of their greatest ever, talents a few months. Aya was one of them. This video was taken from a live performance of hers, with a nice guitar arrangement backing her.



I'm taken aback by the sheer cuteness that is her little vibrato flutters at the end of the high notes. :3

Next up is one of the more... interesting versions. Like I said earlier, the song was designed to be singable by both women and men. This time it's a male singing it at karaoke, where he recorded and uploaded it to YouTube. Apparently he's a little too embarrassed to enable embedding. I don't know why. It's pretty good! Although, he messed up a little on one line, he caught it quickly and gave a good performance! Better than I could have done it, I think. (Maybe I should try it. I've never actually sung it outside of my head. <_< ) Since he didn't enable embedding, here's a link:
Male HtYStW

And here's another from the lady herself. This time, a live version. This just goes to show why I respect her so much. First, she's plays her own instruments. She kinda makes me wish I had kept at the piano. Oh well, I still have a chance with the violin (which I haven't even picked up in about two months. Maybe tomorrow.) Second, She sings live without playback, and sounds comparable, if not the same or even better than the recorded version. Third, even sitting still behind that piano she still has stage presence, which I'd imagine is hard to do.



Next up to bat is this jazzy, upbeat version. It's really nice, in it's playful take on it. Enjoy!


While the playfulness is a strong-point, it's also a little weak point. It somewhat draws away from the solemn tone of the slow song. But, hey, if you're not looking for solemnity, then this has it going on!

And while we're on the topic of interesting takes, this is definitely a good one. The concept of "music-boxing" songs has long been a fascination of mine. This is the music-box version of the song, and it is damn wonderful. If you like that, the user also has several music-box versions of other classic Japanese songs on their page.



The little chiming in the harmonic chiming that starts in the background at about 2:11 has me hooked. Man, I wish I had the time to re-learn my instruments and such.

Now for the recap of points.
Ratings out of 10 points:

MihimaruGT with "Da Offkey Heffers": 4 points

MihimaruGT san queue cards: 5 points

Reina Tanaka: Hmm... 7.5 points (I had it at 8.3 before the update, but I changed my mind.

Aya Matsuura: 8.5 points

Male Version: 7 points

Upbeat Version: 7.5 points

Music-box version: 9 points

Eri Hiramatsu: 10 points (I had some mega huge number here before, but I'll be more reasonable)

We still have ourselves a winner, folks.

(Also, Eri later released a book called "My Name isn't Cancer" and it sold pretty well.)
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The Friendly Being 2

Due to more technical difficulties, I was not able to get my release out of Sunday. I thought I'd solved my video splitting problem, but those videos don't work in my subtitler. So I'm either off to find a new video splitter capable of splitting all the files I have, or I'm off to find a new subtitling program.

Anyways, I've managed to get you this week's BBB. This skit involves Hamada playing a business man who frequents a certain hotel on his trips. In his first visit, he was introduced to a friendly spirit, played by Matsumoto, who loves to play games and have fun with guests.

This is their second encounter and Hamada makes it known that he doesn't mind the haunted room.

I personally love moments like these shown in this clip. Sometimes Matsumoto's over-the-top personality even surprises Hamada, and they've been working together for years. The skits on Gottsu Ee Kanji are very special in that there's usually no completely solid script for the skits they do in studio. Usually someone starts laughing in an inappropriate place or someone gets hit. You can see that both Hamada and Matsumoto love toying with each other sometimes. Although they don't hang around each other in their spare time, they do seem to enjoy the time the spend working as a comedy team. You can't really ask for more than that.



And in what's becoming a usual around here: The BBB Topic of discussion! Um. . . Talk about your most memorable hotel experiences.

For me, it had to be my trip to Mexico when I was little. I was not used to geckos, but apparently they are pretty common in the Mexico. The outside of the hotel was covered in them. Okay, that was heavy exaggeration, but there were a few of them. Being foreigners, my family didn't really know about them, and freaked out whenever we saw one. The staff at the hotel, being Mexican natives, looked at us like we were wimpy idiots but tried to assure us that geckos were completely harmless and pose no threat. So we just figured we'd stay in our rooms when not sight-seeing, and we'd see as few geckos as possible. So the first night, after a long day of delayed flights and such, my father and I both laid down to go to sleep. The layout of the room should be fairly familiar: It's two beds with a nightstand in between with a lamp on it, all along a wall. Like this, with B being a bed and N being the nightstand:
____
B N B

My father and I both laid down facing the nightstand, and as soon as we did, we saw about 9 geckos clinging onto the back of the nightstand staring back at us. Needless to say that a 10-year old boy and a grown man have never shrieked so loudly in the history of Mexican tourism.
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Worldwide Downtown News: Whoopee Cushions

Ah, the whoopee cushion. Always good for a quick, tasteless, joke.

This BBB (which is late. Sorry. ) comes from Downtown's show "Worldwide Downtown Headline News". The concept is very simple: Get some foreigners, put cheesy Japanese voice-overs on them, and commence with the funny.

In the form of a news show, Hamada and Matsumoto appear as panelists and are subjected to the stereotypical members of the panel.

Gilles (French name, pronounced like "Jheel". I had a friend with that name. Let's just say I had a hard time guessing the pronunciation from his name tag in elementary school) Besson plays our host, and he's got a deep profoundness for being corny. He plays the stereotypical "Trying-too-hard" foreigner, trying to crack quick jokes and puns. Unlike most shows where this type of character is pushed to the back except the the odd occasion, Gilles is in the role of power, as he controls the flow of the show.

Ghorchyan and Natalia are foils of each other, with Ghorchan being the fairly grumpy, purely logical one and Natalia being the "Live is lovely!", ever-sunny one, who looks on the bright side.

Almost every show starts with Gilles introducing a video of some sort, which generally features something incredibly corny being made into something amazing. Afterwards, Gilles asks everyone's opinions, and Ghorchan and Natalia disagree. Then Gilles usually starts the funny with Hamada and Matsumoto.

What I love is the way that sometimes the corny voice-overs that they place over the actors are actually what they are saying. For example, if you keep an eye on Natalia, you can see it when she says "I'll think about it"(kangaetoku wa), "Hi, Gilles!"

In this case, the video introduces a coffee shop where the owner pranks his customers. If they react in what he thinks is a funny manner, get food for free. If he keeps that up, he'll be out of business soon.



I'm keeping it short this week for the summary, as I've got a meeting tomorrow that I need to prepare for. However, let's see. . . As I'm trying to foster discussion on the BBBs, let's get a discussion started about this one. Hrm. Share with the world the best practical joke you've seen played (preferably one you experienced first-hand in real life, and not "i saw this funny vid on youtube of (X)") or the funniest promotion you've seen a store have!

I went to a pet store once, and they were giving away tiny (and I mean tiny) sacks of catnip of April 20 (4/20) if you brought your cat dressed up in a reggae outfit. Kinda stereotypical to reggae and Jamaica in general, being labeled as pot-smokers, but you could see the cats look at each dressed up, humiliated, thinking "Hang in there, brother. When we rise up. . . Oh, when we rise up. . .". Almost needless to say, this pet store was run by your stereotypical pot smokers.

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Guide to the Poll and Update!

Hallo, hello, hillo, hollo, hullo.

I've been pretty scatterbrained lately, hence the lack of a post last Sunday, and lack of anything really substantial this week. Sorry about that. I've recently started playing a free online game and got sucked in, and taking some time to self-administer some "retail therapy". Also, a guy from Japan moved in down the hall, so we've been having a sort of "language exchange". And by "language exchange", I mean that we both fail at communicating in the other person's native tongue and then try to explain it in the other and fail there too. But it's interesting to speak with a native speaker. I've been distracted to say the least. So that's where I've been, not for reasons that I oh so emo-ly talked about a while ago. Anyways, I'm back. Things should be back to normal this week, barring nothing horrible happens. *knock on wood*

Before I get started again, I'll just rundown the housekeeping as usual. (Boy, keeping up a blog like this is hard. I always thought it would be "make a post and never return" type of thing.)

• Updated General Request Post, cleaned up older comments, and responded to comments that I'd neglected. Also, due to me finding a better video editor that can handle some of the files that were giving me trouble, "Kiki Nattou" and the "Matsumoto and Eri" episodes have been put back into rotation.I've also moved up some episodes to break up the surge of Itao we're getting around here, due to the new BBB segment and improptu changes to the schedule. Also moved a few requested episodes up the list in doing so.
• Reuploaded videos for Kiki Canned Coffee and Goodbye Yamazaki episodes.
• Updated caption files for Ice Coffee Limit Check to explain who Ouyang FeiFei and Vivian Su are.
• Fixed a subtitle timing error in Matsumoto's Skateboard Challenge when Matsumoto is reading in his dressing room.
  

However, I was thinking about the poll I recently put up on here, and I couldn't help but wonder if the limited descriptions that I put for some of the episode themes were a little too non-descriptive. So I have come up with this post, as a way to explain what I was getting at, and perhaps jog your memory if you've seen any of them. This way you can make an informed decision or adjust your vote if you want to. Just a reminder, if you see something you like and want to request an episode, put it here in the General Request Post so I don't forget it.




High Tension Series - In these episodes, we find comedians being, well, High Tension. "High Tension" is basically how you'd call someone high-strung or easily excitable. Usually in a style parodying a music show back in the late 80's or early 90's, Matsumoto and Hamada host comedians who come and make people laugh while being extremely hyperactive and high-strung. This segment usually features some mainstay comedians like Shouji Murakami and the Chihara Brothers, and will occasionally feature some comedians who are popular at the moment. It almost always features one of Endou's "Hohoho~i!" bits.

Genkai Series - Stemming from Matsumoto flubbing an order at a coffee shop, but still getting what he wanted, the Genkai series puts the Gaki members in the predicament of trying to use words that sound close (and some that don't) to try and order the item of the day. I've already covered one episode here, and there's more to follow.

Shichihenge - Another type of episode already covered here on the blog, Shichihenge gives a comic the chance to make the Gaki crew laugh. They get seven chances, and whenever they manage to make someone laugh, that person has to put money into the bin for charity. There's almost always some sort of nudity, because let's face it, unnecessary nudity is pretty funny. This type of episode has become one of Gaki's most famous series.

Absolutely Tasty - This series has many different names. The whole name is the "Kore wo yattemitakatten! Zettai ni oishii..." series which translates to "I always wanted to that! Absolutely delicious ___". In this segment, they take a commonplace recipe and create two of their dream versions of that item. For example, we have an upcoming episode where the members come up with their dream pizzas, cook them and try them out as a group. The items are assign a rating with 10 stars being the highest, and two skulls being the lowest.

Matsumoto's Challenge - Matsumoto sometimes feels the urgent need to perform some sort of grand task. In these episodes, we see the other Gaki members assist Matsumoto in the completion of said tasks like completing a backside-grab shifty 900 Air, all without the physical cooperation of Matsumoto. Whenever it's time to accomplish the task, his body just becomes a wet noodle.

Itao's Interruption Skits - Usually in the dressing room or on the way to a location shoot, the crew usually gets bugged by Itsuji Itao. Sometimes, Itao's wife comes along for the ride, but it almost always results in hilarity like seen in the "Itao's Car Crash" episode seen here. Usually involving a new television format, or in general a get-rich-quick scheme that Itao thought of, the Gaki members are usually forced to pay up big time if they intend on continuing with their daily lives.

Kiki Episodes - The Kiki episodes are basically taste-testing wrapped up in a penalty game shell. Each member is given one brand of a specific food or item to try while blindfolded and they have to match it up with that brand out of a line-up. An episode where members have to try canned coffee can be seen here.

Goodbye, Yamazaki! - A "prank" which Gaki pulls every year, it involves the ever-annoying Yamazaki faking his leaving the show. The first episdoe in the series, seen here, does an okay job at trying to fool the audience. After the two years or so, they stopped even trying to be subtle about the pranks and they just let Yamazaki be a damned fool. At the end, Yamazaki announces the prank and he does some sort of reference to the popular happenings of the past year. It's usually a popular song with the words "Yama-chan isn't leaving!" substituted in multiple places.

Yamazaki vs. Moriman! - Yamazaki and the notoriously chubby comedian Moriman go head to head in several battles. It first started as a competition to see who could pants their opponent, like bullies do on Japanese playgrounds, hence the kindergarten outfits. Yamazaki and Moriman later got stadiums and sold lots of seats, as this became a very popular Gaki No Tsukai series.


Matsumoto Team Vs. Hamada Team - Usually spanning multiple episodes, Gaki usually invites guest comedians and split into two teams with Matsumoto and Hamada being the leaders. The usually guests are Ame Agari Kessintai, Hosshan, and the comedy duo Fujiwara. Various games are played, and usually culminates in a complicated final round in which all members have to move a ball through several obstacles.


Gaki Team Vs. Former Tennensozai Team - Similar to the Hamada Vs Matsumoto matches above, the Gaki members go against a group that once called themselves Tennensozai (which I ever so failfully misspelled on the actual poll). Translating to "Natural Materials", the Tennensozai team was going green before Al Gore said anything! Just like the above, there's a series of absurd challenges, and the winner gets prize money!


Piccadilly Umeda's Job shows - To put is simply, Piccadilly Umeda is an cool, old man. He comes on Gaki No Tsukai often to showcase what new job he's doing. Of course, being a cool old man, he has no normal jobs. He takes jobs ranging from motorcycle stuntman to fortune-teller. He's pretty creepy though, as he can take all of his teeth out, supposedly. Eww.

Regular Cast Member Auditions - As Gaki no Tsukai gained popularity, it was only natural that other comedians would want in on the show. So, Gaki occasionally holds auditions for new members. As you may have noticed, the regular Gaki team hasn't grown in many years, so it may come as no surprise that these auditions are fake. However, it is fun to watch the comedians jump through hoops to get on the show.


Celebrity Baseball - I guess this title was a little bit deceiving. The "Celebrity Baseball" episodes involve the Gaki members as well as many other staff and comedians dressing up as a popular entertainer and then playing baseball. It's fairly simple. Usually the celebrity has a very distinct mannerism or appearance, which everyone has to imitate. For example, they imitate Hibari Misora, a famous Enka-style singer, and play baseball in full dresses and headwear.


Celebrity Fishing Competitions - Gaki No Tsukai's most laid-back (almost to the point of boredom) episodes are the Celebrity Fishing episodes. Usually in a two- or three-part episode, the Gaki Members invite several celebrities out for a fishing competition on one of Japan's many lakes. It seems more like something for the Japanese Tourism Association or something, if it exists. In some of the later episodes, they introduced some items that were fun, like a dice where the celebrity had to give their honest opinion about what comes up on it.

Cosplay Bus Tours - In what is usually a spree of cross-dressing or nostalgia, Gaki members, along with some of the crew members or other comedians, take to the streets of Tokyo in a tour bus dressed in costume. In the bus, they play a game which will eliminate one person. That person, while in costume, has to walk back to the studio alone.

Producer Suga's Nostalgic Re-enactments - Producer Suga seems to love nostalgia. He sometimes remembers things from his childhood like pro-wrestlers, manga, or anime. And sometimes you just want to relive those things, don't you? He does. Even if it comes at the expense of the Gaki members. In these episodes, Suga puts the members through a series of punishment games, and who ever loses has to play the specified part in his re-enactment.

Heipo's Arranged Dating - One of the Gaki staff, Heipo, is known for being a bit perverted. He also has a great fondness for pretty much all things woman. Unfortunately, he's a big strike-out with ladies, so sometimes, the kind people at Gaki No Tsukai set him up on a date. Heipo goes out and we usually see him go down in flames, as he generally sexually harasses his date.


Yamaquest - In a scavenger-hunt type episode, Yamazaki hides a "hidden treasure" in some location and the other four members go on a spree to find it. There have only been two episodes in this series, one in an amusement park, and one in a water park. Each time, the "hidden treasure" is well. . . Yamazaki. And that means that the treasure was "special", and not in the valuable sense.


Member Chases - In an effort to see what each member's private lives are like outside of the show, Gaki decides to follow a target member around the city "incognito" and take a sneak peek. The member's pastimes seems to include re-enacting old movies and nipple tweaking.
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Eating with Kouji-chan!

It's time once again for another BlackGaki Boredom Breaker! *clap clap clap*

This week, we have another quick one from Gottsu Ee Kanji. (I promise I'll do something other than Gottsu Ee Kanji next week. I have some stuff I want to do, but I haven't been motivated enough to rummage through all the video files to find them.)

This time, the loving family tries to feed the young Kouji, played by the aptly named Kouji Imada, with apples.

This whole skit shows you how much fun you can have with a hole in the floor.





The first woman, I have no clue　who she is. Perhaps an extra, even though an extra wasn't needed since Ryouko (the one in the red) didn't do anything. However, as for the rest of the line-up:

Grandma: YOU
Grandpa: Takahiro Kurano
Dad: Itsuji Itao
Other lady (in red): Ryouko Shinohara
Baby Kouji: Kouji Imada

EDITED 7/3 to add:　The woman in black is Yayoi Nishihata. She joins Gottsu Ee Kanji as a regular during later seasons.

Short and sweet indeed, but THAT'S CHILD ABUSE, ITAO!

In an effort to spark conversation around here... hrm... Spankings: Okay or not? If okay, how young is too young? Proceed with discussion.

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The Busukko Club!

Heysup, my fine, loyal, readers.

It's time for yet another BlackGaki Boredom Buster. This week, the players of Gottsu Ee Kanji take us into the apparently wild and comical world of prostitution. In Japan though, it's usually not a thing where you just go to a street corner in a less than desirable neighborhood. It's more like the things you see if you go to Las Vegas. There's fliers and cards with advertisements on it, and you call a number and they send a prostitute over to your house. If you're not happy with the prostitute's appearance, you can "change", which means you send the other prostitute back and they send you a different one.

In this skit, Hamada, gets the rare opportunity to call one of these services when his wife leaves town. The flier for which he happens to have the number for is for the "Busukko Club" which would translate to "The Ugly Girl Club", but I really wanted to translate it to the "Uggmo Club". I don't know how he managed to not see that when he called, or heard it when the operator picked up the phone. But when the girls actually get there, let's just say that Hamada wants change like Barack Obama buying one item at a $1 store with a $100 bill.




Sadly, I have to laugh at the sheer realism of the skit. I grew up in Portland, Oregon which for a long time had the bragging rights having the most strip clubs per capita. (Apparently small town in Virginia or something is trying to take the crown, or something. But as far as major metropolitan cities go, I think Portland's still got the title. Check this article out in the Portland Mercury newspaper, a fun newspaper to read if you're ever in the Portland area: Article. )

But let me tell you, quantity is DEFINITELY not quality. The general manhood ritual of going to a strip club when you turn of legal age can just be ruined by some of the things you see there. As some of you may know, strippers sometimes name themselves after precious stones, liquor, or luxury cars with names like "Diamond", "Champagne", or "Lexus". Some of the strippers in Portland should have retired LONG ago. They could have names like "Plymouth Rock" and "Model T". In an effort to keep a stable of dancer they pretty much just scrape the bottom of the barrel. Damn near literally. If you're over 18, check out the website for one of the clubs near where I used to live, look under Female Entertainers(link), and tell me that Midori doesn't look like a tranny and Talina just needs to retire outright. Seriously, one look at Midori... IT'S A TRAP!!!1!

Some of the clubs in the area, in an effort to distinguish themselves, occasionally host some sort of freakshow nights. My friend said they had conjoined twin strippers. That's... just... sad. Is one stripping and the other one's along for the ride? Were both of the girls together unable to muster up enough self-respect to refuse the offer? Do you have to tip in increments of $2? Which one holds the pole? That's something that I both do and don't want the honor of seeing first-hand.

See you guys on Sunday for another Gaki episode!
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